3yr old BM on patio, cursing at day care teacher

[nicNdarian]

My almost 4yr old Nephew has been acting out recently. The last 4ish months he has displayed extreme defiance, cussing at day care providers and BMs in places like the living room floor and outside patio. He also displays not respect for anyone but me.

His father has been in and out of his life and I spend as much time with him as I can. His mother does not spend much 1 on 1 time with him. She usually has him watch a movie or play in his room after they return home from work/daycare.

I feel like he should be active when he gets home from school. A bike ride, walk, swimming, reading etc... My sister is ok with coming home, getting on the internet and letting him do his own thing.

I guess I would like some advice as to what I could do to make her realize the affect she is having on her son and how her actions or apathy has had an immediate and extremely negative affect on her son.

Suggestions?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your nephew is angry, no doubt. His behavior indicates so. To be frank, it sounds like his mother is not deriving much satisfaction from being a parent. You indicate that you are a surrogate parent, for all practical purposes, for this little boy. Perhaps his mother should give some careful consideration to whether or not she wants to be a parent. If she does, it would behoove her to place the child's needs above hers and start to give him the time and attention he needs.

[melissaj]

I agree with the last comment. I used to be the same way. Though, I loved my kids dearly, and wanted to be a great mom- the truth is, their father was abusive. He remained abusive even after I left, for many years, stalking and harrsssing me. He still pulls stunts from time to time. The fact is, that I had so little left inside to give the kids. I had friends and things on the internet that seemed to fill a huge void that I had.  I really could do little about my situation, having 5 kids and no job at the time. No car and no money. To top it off, no family, no friends and no help from the local police. So, Im thinking that, while the child psychologist earlier is right, she needs to examine whether she wants to be a parent and then put her childs needs above hers- it may be difficult if she is dealing with issues of her own. Perhaps she is so exxasperated from trying to deal with a child, and she doesn;t have the right tools and skills, and she is in a way " running away". I say that she needs to seek some counseling for herself and the child too. Hope this helps!