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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
3yr old behavior issues
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
3yr old behavior issues
by Lakis, Dec 24, 2002 12:00AM
I want to start out by saying that we are not "push-over" parents. We have tried many different mothods to curb my son's misbehavior with little to no results.
He has written on the walls over 20 times. He has destroyed our bathrooms about a dozen times. He has generally wrecked havok in our house for about a year now.
We have tried everything from time-outs, spanking, toy removal, and "niceness". When we try and communicate with him, he fails to respond appropriately. We have sat down with him for over 2 hours once trying to get him to say "If I write on the walls, I will get a time-out". Instead, all we get is "I will not write on the walls, can I have milk now?" or "I don't know".
My son has been walking since he was 11months old. He has been talking full sentences since he was 2. He can count to 28 and knows his alphabet. He is an intelligent boy. But for some reason, he cannot learn right from wrong. He cannot understand that his actions have consequences.
The last straw came yesterday and today. Last night, we went to the movies, we returned to our walls covered in black marker. Today, he destroyed the christmas tree after repeated warnings not to touch it, he decided to take of the plastic ornaments and break them.
The last method we have tried was toy removal. But, at this point, he has no toys left to take away. Last night, he lost his favorite christmas toy that he just received. This is about the way all of our attempts have gone. We have started out with light punisment, and quickly being forced to escalate.
Please help!!!!!!!!!
He has written on the walls over 20 times. He has destroyed our bathrooms about a dozen times. He has generally wrecked havok in our house for about a year now.
We have tried everything from time-outs, spanking, toy removal, and "niceness". When we try and communicate with him, he fails to respond appropriately. We have sat down with him for over 2 hours once trying to get him to say "If I write on the walls, I will get a time-out". Instead, all we get is "I will not write on the walls, can I have milk now?" or "I don't know".
My son has been walking since he was 11months old. He has been talking full sentences since he was 2. He can count to 28 and knows his alphabet. He is an intelligent boy. But for some reason, he cannot learn right from wrong. He cannot understand that his actions have consequences.
The last straw came yesterday and today. Last night, we went to the movies, we returned to our walls covered in black marker. Today, he destroyed the christmas tree after repeated warnings not to touch it, he decided to take of the plastic ornaments and break them.
The last method we have tried was toy removal. But, at this point, he has no toys left to take away. Last night, he lost his favorite christmas toy that he just received. This is about the way all of our attempts have gone. We have started out with light punisment, and quickly being forced to escalate.
Please help!!!!!!!!!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 24, 2002 12:00AM
, Dec 24, 2002 12:00AM
With all you've been through, it's time you seek professional help. Two things will be important: (a) having your son evaluated for possible mental or emotional disorder, and (b) seeking help about behavior management. One thing, though it's not the whole story obviously, jumps out from your note. Children at the age of three need to be under direct adult supervision. How was he able to deface the walls and damage the tree ornaments? Was he not being supervised? Pre-schoolers (and even early school-age children) are not famous for their impulse control, regardless of how intelligent they might be. They really need adults to be their 'external egos' as they develop the ability to control their impulses.
