3yr old w/anger

[ki_chris]

Hi, my 3yr old son is in daycare and the last 2-3 weeks he is in trouble almost everyday.  He misbehaves and when the teachers try to correct him he's really angry and yells NO at them and if he is told to go to time out he yells NO and they have to pick him up and set him there and restrain him other wise he'll get up or have tantrums where he's kicking and screaming.  His teachers have told us they are afraid of his tantrums because they worry he'll hurt himself.  He's also been hitting other kids and his teachers.  Luckily at his age he can't hit hard enough to do any real damage, but its still hitting.  His dad and I are feeling kind of helpless.  We try talking with him and giving time outs and spanking.  But he's been behaving similar at home, he doesn't hit us at all but he argues and talks back and is just outright disobedient.  Are we too lenient?  He spends a big part of his day at daycare, 10 hours. He only spend 3 hours (awake) with us.  Is he possibly acting out because of this?  We just hate feeling like the short time we spend with him is spent punishing him.  Not sure what to do next?  Help!

[margypops]

Hi Sounds like the school has not enough going on to feed his mindand Body,  also spanking does reinforce that kind of behavior,Does Dad do sport and games with him 3 year olds love playing ball, reading stories is a great pacifier, they should be doing that at school.10 hours is a huge time for a 3 year old to spend at school can you not go to less hours, hes not with you much is he, perhaps its that simple he needs you guys.

[treazzure007]

I wanted to add that 3 yr olds need to be kept very busy.  I am aware that most schools have stopped allowing time out as a method of punishment but require teachers to practice diversion instead.  It works best to have your child in a program or school that has a fully packed, rigorous schedule for 3 yr olds.  They must be kept entertained and busy the entire time or both the children and teachers are miserable.

Start ignoring tantrums and taking away privileges.  Make a weekend day a special fun day every week for your son where he can spend extra loving, fun time your family

[KAnneH]

Tantrums can be miserable to deal with...I know because my 4 yr. old is still having them.  What I have discovered, is the calmer I try to remain, the better he reacts to my redirection.  I used to get VERY worked up, and raise my voice, etc...however, he only reacted to me with MORE anger.  When I keep my voice calm, but firm, and really try to reason with him (I know this is hard to do with young children), he usually comes out of his tantrums much quicker.  

Also, your spanking him might actually be reinforcing that hitting is an OK way to show his anger.  If you are telling him that hitting others is not right, but then correct him with a spanking, he probably becomes very confused.  My best advice would be to stay calm, but firm, use consistent punishments that are relevant to the misbehavior, and have faith that he will eventually out grow this phase.  Also, since you do have so little time with him at home, try not to carry over all of his misbehavior from daycare to home.  Children this young need to be disciplined at the time of the misbehavior...they aren't capable of understanding a punishment at home for a misbehavior that took place at daycare several hours earlier.

Good Luck!  

[OPLIEGO]

Hello!

I understand you because it seems to me I have the similar problem with my 3 year old.  She also spends most of her day at day care and at home its back to house chores and seems like not enough time for her. She learns the bad things from other kids and brings them home.

The time out is great but like her teacher said sometimes it does not work for all kids.  Try taking his movies or toys from him.  Keep talking to him and mention what he is doing is not nice and that he can be mad at you but tell him you still love him, reinforce you love him.  I know it hard to raise a 3 year old because I don't want to create a mischivious teenager.  My daughter too has horrible tantrums and hits but draw the line.  Best of luck and out of curiousity are you sure you are not expecting a baby.  I am and that is when Isabel started misbehaving.

Best of luck and wish you well.

Olga