4 1/2 year old son with violent behavior

[greenlikepercy]

At first my husband and I thought he was a normal rough-housing little boy but lately he is not acting very normal.  For about the last 6 months whenever he gets upset (this is often, he could just be sitting there playing and then start freaking out) he will get up and say things like, "FINE!!  YOU hate me!  I am going to kill myself!!"  This is usually in response to *nothing* because it happens quite often when he is just playing.  He will say things to me like, "Ok I will go get the knife then...there will be a lot of blood...", and, "you just want me to die!" and the obligitory, "You hate me!!"  

He's physically destructive, but probably not too much more than a normal boy (I know his older brother was a little wreckless at times), but he can go through a clean room and make it look like a tornado just came through with couch cushions thrown about, chairs flipped over, kicked over clothes basket (for that matter, just emptying the drawers in his bed room).  ~BUT~ He never hits his brother or sister unless they hit him 1st (this I consider VERY normal).  He will take swings and kicks at me when I put him in time out.  He cries tears a lot and is concerned that I don't love him anymore...

He prefers to be naked and would be that way all the time if he had his choice.  He is completly potty trained but likes to stand up like he's in the bathroom and urinate on things like carpet and the couches.  I don't know how to stop this because 'time out' for this behavior just seems to go right over his head.  

He tells me about his dreams at night, usually they are violent but in a way like something bad is happening that he can't control, like earthquake and fires.  To answer the question, he does not watch violent television or play video games.  

[babygirl6152]

my opinion only

1. He gets a "REACTION" from you it could be a negative one or a positive one. He somehow wants a bit of attention and at that moment he really craves it- so "ON WITH THE SHOW"/ that is not a judgment on anyone's part except for that he just wants some attention and instead of saying I want a hug and crawling into your arms for hugs he goes wild......could be jealousy of siblings. Children at this age don't know how to verbalize- "I miss you mom- I wish it were just us. If I could have some alone time with you that would be wonderful. Let's find cuddle time or play time every day for just the two of us." The naked, pottying round the bathroom from what I have read it more about control also. Their elimination and body dressing are things they can control- As I said just a factual observation, not a judgment.
If you think this may be the case- it won't take too very much to change things-
a) give no reaction or little reaction when the "SHOW STARTS"- walk away and give the other children an orange or make cookies- see what happens....
b) Give the boy LOTS of little way to be in control and make sure it is things that he notices- Would you like the light on in the bathroom? Would you like to turn it on or mom turn it on? Help mom pick out your clothes- Help mom pick out sisters clothes. It sounds like all this talking will wear you out but it will become second nature- just a bit more jabbering- much better than the all out 'scenes' you are having to endure.....

OR

2. There are real psychological problems that need to be addressed.

Good luck- write me if you'd like

[momofalex]

I want to respond to your concerns about your four year old. I think that he may just want attention, but I think that he is doing it in an extreme manner. I have a four year old son myself and I definately feel your pain. My son will say similar things except for the fact that he is going to kill himself. I think that if you continually show him love and support, and say things like, "I am sorry that you feel that way, but I love you and I want you to be happy.", that he might get the message and become less aggressive eventually. But if you are truly concerned, ask your doctor about it.
mom of Alex