4 YEAR OLD DRESS-UP

my 4 year old boy, almost 5, will sneak in my room, then he hides and tries on my bras, panties, and nighties.At first I just said honey put those away you can not play with those. Lately it has been happening more often. The last time I seen him I asked him what he was doing? is he dressing up like a girl? he says no. I asked him is he dressing up like a mommy he says yes. He also pretends he has skirts on, he will put both legs in one side of his shorts, but he says he is just being silly he does it so he can fall down. Is it normal for a almost five year old boy to play dress up and pretend they are a female. If it is or isn't I would like to know your opinion how how to react and handle it. Should I try to put a stop to it? Is it a normal phase most boys go through? Help how do I handle this?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

In general, dressing up in various clothing is typical of children this age. What I'd suggest is arranging the opportunity for him to do so without doing it in a surreptitious way. You can have a variety of old clothes among his playthings and, if he attends a pre-school program, see if they have such props available. Handle it in a casual, off-hand manner. Also, when you gather the clothing, select outer garments rather than underwear.

[alaaron]

Normally boys do not desire to dress in womens clothing.  However, he is just 4-5 and has stated that he is dressing like you, not a girl, so at this point there seems little to be concerned about.  If he is doing this when he is 8, if this concerns you, you may wish to determine his seaxual preference.  Note however, being asked if he likes girls or boys may be a bit discomforting to him, especially if it turns out he does likes girls.  Either way showing support or disdain over his choice will have long lasting effects, so be sure you are able to handle either answer when you ask.

[7398]

Thank you for your quick response and great suggestion, it's greatly appreciated.

[justme]

2 comments:

First, when my son was young, because I was a single mother, he wanted to do what I did. He had his own 'powder' and a makeup brush and chapstick/lipgloss because he saw me get ready everyday and wanted to do it to. He was 3. Around the same age he'd also occassionally try on my bras over his clothes and check himself in the mirror.

Second, his daycare has a variety of dress-up clothes and accessories in one of their play areas. I can't tell you the number of times I've come in and seen any of the boys decked out in the sequined gown and tiara, or bride outfit, whatever, while they play (the boys are still the 'daddy' and the girls are the 'mommy' though. lol)

Anyway, the point is, now that my son's older, he doesn't do it at all.  He's otherwise always been a typical boy, cars, trucks, digimon, hockey and rough and tumble with the other boys.

Unless your son is really demonstrating or insists on identifying himself in a female role (as opposed to just checking out the clothes and accessories), I wouldn't worry about it.  Over time, if he focuses on the identification with female roles for himself, then be sensitive not to be harsh or judgemental which can be very hard for his sense of security and self.

But what you've described really just sounds like every other boy in my area.  Having fun and trying on the clothes he sees so much. (remember, right now you are probably the person he sees most. As he gets older, he'll play more with friends and be exposed to other ideas to explore)

[7398]

Thanks for your comment. When you mentioned the daycare comment and your story, it makes me feel good,like it does happen
and he is just doing what everyone else does,of course boys play dress-up. It's nice to hear a comment from another mom who experienced it.Thanks!

[colep_2003]

PHD, has something there all except...for his self asteem try to do these behavors alone at home in his bedroom and around the house...Start worring about this when he gets about 6 or 7.

[BuddleiaGirl]

The dress up box is a good idea. And tell him that they are your clothes, not his,(in regards to your underwear) after all, you don't try on his stuff! But you have to admit, when you compare boys underwear with womens, womens underwear is softer and nicer to look at! A friends' 4 year old boy would "nurse" a babydoll when his mom nursed the new baby. At that age, they really do not grasp male/female roles and differences, they are still learning. Thus the boys in bridal who were the Daddys in the pre-school!

[Lori862]

A related discussion, Boys Dressing As Girls was started.