4 Year Old Boy Misbehaves in Preschool

[davrph]

My son who just turned four in March started a 2 day a week Preschool for 3 to 4 yr olds in January of this year. He has never had any daycare or other experiences outside of our home other than Sunday School (semi-frequently), library, park, Nana's house, etc. He usually does very well in these settings with no complaints of him pushing, not listening to the teacher, being overly physical on the playground, which happened to be a lot of the complaints that his preschool teacher has shared with me. He knows the rules and repeats them to us in regards to no pushing, keeping hands to himself and so forth. We have him repeat them before he goes in class and warn him of a time-out at home, removal of favorite toys and even spanking if he does not abide by the rules. His teacher says that he is put in time-out and sometimes no outside play when he does these things. He only goes for 2 and 1/2 hours during these two days, and I dont know if he just gets excited which he sometimes does or he is testing the teacher to see what she will do. His behavior elsewhere is not a problem, I give him one warning and he stops. I think his teacher is tired of the situation and I am afraid she might suggest him leaving( thankfully there is only about 2 months left). He loves school and I am hoping he will get it very soon. By the way, he is not totally potty trained and is still resistant to doing his stool in the potty, we have backed off of this pressure and am giving him time to decide to do it when he is ready. He is a child who is not clingy in new situations however he does not like to be pressured to do something he does not want to do ( like stool in the potty).He also has a temper that he rarely shows, but will come out if he knows someone is trying to hurt him or his older sister ( a boy hit his sister and he went over and pushed the older boy and told him not to hurt his sister). My question is should I just keep him in school so he will be exposed socially and face the stress of what has he done now from the teacher, or should I just pull him out for now and start again in Sept when he will be in the 4 to 5 year old pre-k program. He seems bright, knows colors, numbers, letters, but his hand skills need work ( he does not like to color) since he is a high active boy and would rather run outside with the exception of computer time ( likes jumpstart preschool-kindergarten programs). His verbal skills seem fine. He is making full sentences and is understood, but still has trouble with the "f" "th" and "ch" sounds. Most of the kids in his class are more verbally advanced than he is. (There are six girls and three other little boys besides my son) Any Suggestions would be greatly Appreciated.

[freeeeaky]

My 4 year old son likes to hit his siblings and when he was in preschool he would get upset and push things off the table because he was angry. He seems angry a lot. I am a stay at home mom who spends plenty of quality time with him.

Does anyone know why he might be getting so angry? He even says, "I am so mad." Or "I am very angry at you." etc..

Kat
He's a sweet boy but I would like to help him figure out why he's always so upset.

[mom@homenow]

From your description your son sounds like a typical boy just learning how to act properly in a preschool setting. Many of his peers may have already learned more social skills in daycare that he is just learning now.  I'd be a bit concerned that the preschool program or teacher is not a good match for your son, if the teacher is already complaining so about his behavior after just a few months of two mornings a week. That isn't a lot of time to settle into a new situation. How much structure is there in the class? He may need a program where he has less time and opportunity to misbehave. I wouldn't change programs now for this year, it would be too disruptive for him. But you might want to think about next year and what that 4-5 yr old class will be like if you are sending him to the same program. I had planned to send my son to a preschool that was somewhat play based, with a relaxed atmosphere, because his cousin did well in a program like that. Well, he's strong willed and not self motivated to try learning activities, so instead I had to shop around for a preschool that was more structured and wouldn't give him too much free time to choose his activities. Also, his teacher is loving but somewhat "no nonsense", he acted out some and had difficulty settling down when he first entered the program and she was very cosistent with him, and after several months he was fine. She never complained about his behavior but did keep me informed. You want a teacher that will guide him, not just punish him for misbehavior.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If it's possible in the couple of remaining months, I'd suggest you actually increase his exposure to the program. Sometimes, when children go for only a couple of mornings each week, the experience doesn't become a sufficiently robust portion of their structure and they have a harder time acclimating than if they attended more frequently. It's not unusual for children to show increased impulsivity in a setting that is new and involves many peers (vs one-to-one or very small group interactions). If it's not possible to increase the time, it makes sense to persist for the remaining couple of months, unless by doing so you would jeopardize his standing for Sept.