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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
4 Year Old problems relating to kids at School
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
4 Year Old problems relating to kids at School
by joeboxford, Nov 09, 2005 12:00AM
Our pre-school has recommended that we have our son evaluated for Sensory Integration problems because he has trouble calming down when revved up and initiating conversations with other children - though he tries very hard to do so. His language skills are very good, but he often begins racing when initiating a conversation with someone he meets. Eventually he calms down and speaks normally. My wife and I have always attributed this to excitement or nervousness, but we do get the sense at times that he wants to intiate a conversation with another kid but doesn't know the best way to do it. Sometimes when he initiates a conversation with others, he'll just start spouting in the middle of the story, seemingly assuming that the other person knows what he's talking about. He can be shy and sensitive at times. He is very social with adults that he knows and in one on one opportunities. Although he has troubles initiating conversations with kids in class, he still manages to get along well and has a couple of others in the class that he is very friendly with. Overall I'd say he is a caring boy who gets along great with his two little sisters.
As far as cognitive abilities go, he seems quite bright to us (counts to 100, can do simple adding and subtracting, plays checkers). He learned to talk at an early age.
His fine motor skills are so so. His gross skills are great (hits a baseball, skates, plays hockey). He loves music. He loves to play sports and games, but he is fixated on winning everything that he does. When we play games, I often let him win (or at least tie) so there isn't a serious meltdown (this has been true since he was two years old!). If we watch a hockey game on TV and the "other" team scores, he'll often break down crying and get extremely angry. Whenever we are playing or doing something he likes and it's time to stop, his typical reply is "I will not and you will keep playing with me" usually said in a very forceful manner. I'm able to get him to "come down" usually within a couple of minutes, typically by re-directing his attention.
We have scheduled an evaluation with an OT center, but remain unconvinced that he has SID and believe that this could be nothing or something more severe. He does have an uncle on his mom's side that is ADHD and a cousin on his dad's side with Asbergers. Given the oppotunity to compare, he certainly does not share all of their traits.
The school first told us of these issues at the end of last year. After a summer off, where he spent all of his time with his family, teachers indicated an improvement. Now that he's been back at school for a couple of months, they are seeing some regression.
Any ideas on what's going on here? Are these issues all related? Can the school environment be a trigger? With respect to the "losing" tantrums, am I making a mistake by letting him win?
As far as cognitive abilities go, he seems quite bright to us (counts to 100, can do simple adding and subtracting, plays checkers). He learned to talk at an early age.
His fine motor skills are so so. His gross skills are great (hits a baseball, skates, plays hockey). He loves music. He loves to play sports and games, but he is fixated on winning everything that he does. When we play games, I often let him win (or at least tie) so there isn't a serious meltdown (this has been true since he was two years old!). If we watch a hockey game on TV and the "other" team scores, he'll often break down crying and get extremely angry. Whenever we are playing or doing something he likes and it's time to stop, his typical reply is "I will not and you will keep playing with me" usually said in a very forceful manner. I'm able to get him to "come down" usually within a couple of minutes, typically by re-directing his attention.
We have scheduled an evaluation with an OT center, but remain unconvinced that he has SID and believe that this could be nothing or something more severe. He does have an uncle on his mom's side that is ADHD and a cousin on his dad's side with Asbergers. Given the oppotunity to compare, he certainly does not share all of their traits.
The school first told us of these issues at the end of last year. After a summer off, where he spent all of his time with his family, teachers indicated an improvement. Now that he's been back at school for a couple of months, they are seeing some regression.
Any ideas on what's going on here? Are these issues all related? Can the school environment be a trigger? With respect to the "losing" tantrums, am I making a mistake by letting him win?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Nov 09, 2005 12:00AM
, Nov 09, 2005 12:00AM
To be frank, these behaviors do not seem to indicate any serious sensory integration problem, if at all. The OT evaluation will certainly not be harmful, though I'm not sure it will reveal much in the way of information about his behavior. It may be instructive re: the fine motor issues, though he's only four and this needs to be kept in mind. All four-year-old sface the challenge of learning how to navigate social relationships. So he's not unusual in that regard. They are also familar with 'starting in the middle', without the awareness that others are not privy to their thoughts. I have the sense that, with experience, he'll get better and better at his interactions.
Relative to his poor reaction to competition, it really doesn't help to protect him from learning to deal with this. While it is difficult for pre-schoolers to manage the intense frustration that can accompany disappointments, loss, etc., it's something that has to be experienced so they can learn to handle it better. So, while you don't want the competition to be unfair, at the same time there's no need to insulate him from dealing with adversity.
Relative to his poor reaction to competition, it really doesn't help to protect him from learning to deal with this. While it is difficult for pre-schoolers to manage the intense frustration that can accompany disappointments, loss, etc., it's something that has to be experienced so they can learn to handle it better. So, while you don't want the competition to be unfair, at the same time there's no need to insulate him from dealing with adversity.
