4 Year old temperment

My four year old is crazy....well his temper is....I sometimes dont know what to do...he kicks, punches throws things and screams out hateful words...now mind you I have a ten year old daughter(pre teen going on 20) and an eight year old boy......my four year old spends more time with my eight year old playing in the nieghbor hood then he does at home with my two year old daughter and myself.....I just got layed off and normally it would be my husband at home however now I am...I normally would just carry him to his room where after 5 minutes or so of carrying on he would fall asleep, however now he will kick the door, open it and scream at me and so on.....I dont want to spank him beacase niether my husband or I believe in it however my family and friends are telling me that it is my last resort before I have to seek mental health advice.....I dont think he is that bad, and the behavior is not daily, but when he starts there is almost no stopping him! Please help! What should I do?

[CarenSch]

Hi I am experiencing the same problems with my four year old and he just got kicked out of preschool.

[specialmom]

I have a 4 year old myself.  I thought they were supposed to be over the difficult behavior by now!  My son has a temper once in a while.  Usually he is tired when it occurs.  He must make right anything he damages or knocks over in anger.  He loses a coin from his piggy bank.   And as MY last resort, I think of what he is most valuing that day----  a toy, some outing coming up.  And I threaten that this will be taken away.   And if he doesn't believe me, I do it.  (follow through must happen or they will never believe you when you threaten.)  I don't spank either.  I never understood hitting for hitting.  But people have different opinions about this so to each their own on the subject.  This usually always works for us.  I know it is a phase becaue he does well in most avenues in life.  Friends, preschool, etc.  My son who is 5 has sensory integration disorder that had more issues in such areas as preschool, so for him it was more than a phase.  So to mom of 2 boys and 2 girls, I'd keep at it with time out.  STay as calm as possible and enforce your rules.  Also maybe keep him with  you a little more.  He may be a little too young to be with 8 year olds and older kids so much yet.  

As to the mom whos son got kicked out of preschool.  I"m sorry to  hear that.  What was the reason?

[lexchlmoo]

so he's throwing fits?  maybe he's use to his dad being home, so he's acting out towards you.  so it'll be a matter of time before he'll get use to that.  but i don't think it's very good either that he's out and about with older kids.  he still  needs to be supervised by an adult at his age.  

when my daughter tries to throw fits, i tell her to go to the room until she's threw with her fit.  i tell her it's uncalled for.  sometimes, i have to take her there.  sometimes she'll yell out some stuff, but i don't try to listen.  (but nothing hateful, just that she wants her daddy or wants to go to grandma's) i know she's saying whatever out of anger.  he needs to learn how to deal with his anger.

some people might say to ignore him cause that's what he's trying to do is get your attention.

maybe you should keep him home more often and maybe inviting him playing with kids his own age or close to it.  he maybe picking this behavior up from someone else.

but he does need to learn to respect you.  

me and my husband do spank our children.  it's a last resort though.  and when the kids want to disrespect us, my husband is quick to correct them and me for him verbally.

me and my husband has many disagreements when it comes to disciplining the children, but we try to work together.  i tell him what i do with the kids and visa versa.  if we disagree then we'll try to fix that.  if i think he's too hard on them, i let him know. or he'll tell me i'm too easy on them.  i guess he balance each other out.

what has your husband been doing with the child?  maybe you need to be consistent with the punish or whatever that your husband was doing.

to spank you child is your choice.  i think belts are most sever.  but you can try a small switch on his hand or the back of his leg.  

you've heard the saying "spare the rod, spoil the child".  i believe this to a certain extent.  but never spank when your anger.  and i wouldn't use it all the time.  try time outs in a corner instead of a room.  

but he's got to learn there are consequences for his actions as well as words.  

i remember when i was little i use to say stuff when i got mad.  i hate you, i hate my sister, i wish i was never born..etc.  and my mom sat me down and talked to me.  she asked me if i really felt that way etc....  and i remember realizing that i loved my family.  and i didn't want to hurt them even with words.

maybe just talking to your son will help.  

[momof2boys2girls10842]

Thank you for the comments...as to the being out with older kids, I didnt mention on the fact the each of my older sons friends have sibling his age...one girl and one boy who are also in the same preschool...not only that but they live right across the drive way ( next door in 2 different directions) So it is very hard to say no to him when he has friends there and he isnt in trouble.....and The behavior isnt constant...just once in a while...like once or twice a week with the hitting and kicking......And like one of you said...maybe it is the fact that he is used to being with dad.....Thank you all so much...so far I have gotten alot of help from just the few comments and much better then the comments from my fam!