4 year old § social development problems...

[Ian&Zoe's Mom]

My son turned 4 in October, and to me seems to right on track when it comes to his social development.  However, his preschool teacher told me that she has some concerns about his interaction with other kids and his teacher.  He does not initiate conversation/play in school and seems to 'zone out' when the teachers ask him to do things.  He has a few close friends, and when he is with them, he plays/interacts/initiates very well.  My husband & I were both very shy as children and when I was in kindergarden, my teacher wanted to hold me back being very passive and not initiating play.  I came through it eventually, and my husband was always a loner as a child.  My son loves school and his development in all areas seems to be very normal.  When he turned 3, we were concerned about his lack of speech and anxiety problems, and had him evaluated at the county run preschool learning service, who immediately labeled him as having a PDD.  I didn't agree with the reasoning that they used or the immediacy of their diagnosis.  Since that time, he has progressed wonderfully (getting him in preschool has helped tremendously).  Do you think that there is a major concern here?  I have an appointment to talk with his pediatrician about this.  I don't want to ignore a problem if there is one, but I also don't want to create a problem that might already not exist.  Thanks for your advice!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are wise to consider the input, not disregard it, all the while placing it in context/perspective. It might well be that your son is at the shy end of the spectrum within his classroom. Shyness tends to be genetically-related, so it wouldn't be surprising. If he is shy, the issue becomes one of determining if the shyness is an obstacle to him or not. Some children are more reticent than other re: interaction with teachers and peers. But if he is mastering the tasks of his pre-school program, it's really not anything that needs to be a concern. Thus, the question to ask is: Does the behavior interfere with his mastering the relevant developmental and learning tasks?

[Ian&Zoe's Mom]

Thank you for that advice.  I talked with Ian's teacher and the administrator of the preschool this morning.  It was a very good meeting, and we all came away with a better sense of what was going on.  We all feel that his problem is his shyness at this point.  The administrator is a speech pathologist, and she doesn't have any questions about his speech (when he would speak), she was more concerned that he would not initiate speech, and would not answer questions in a group setting. She is going to spend some one-on-one time with Ian and see if his responses are different.  I told her that I thought she would see a pronounced change with a different environment.  She also understands more about how my husband & I were as children, and realize that he is just like we were.

I am still going to talk with our pediatrician next week and see what she has to say about it, but I think in another 6 months - 1 year, we will see a lot more improvement.

I feel much more relaxed (as do his teachers) about the situation.

Thanks for the help!