4 year old anger problem

Hi! I have a 4 1/2 year old son who gets very frustrated easily. He bangs his head when frustrated and yells alot. He is a little delayed on speech. He speaks in sentences, he's just hard to understand at times. He yells and gets very angry when he is upset. When he does a behavior that I dont approve of and I tell him to stop, he yells back at me. IT makes it very hard to discipline him. If for example, I grab his arm and tell him not to do something, he yells and disobeys even more. My son only acts up when he doesnt get his way or is mad. Other than that he is a child who you can take anywhere, shopping, dinner, park, etc. He eats well, goes to bed with no problems at night and is very lovable. His teachers say if someone gets hurt at school, he is the first one there to comfort them. I am just confused because he is so good and loveable. He has NEVER been aggressive as far as hitting, etc. Its just when he acts up, it is so extreme. He just has "weird" behaviors. He also does not like to be comforted when he gets hurt. He has difficulty dressing himself and he is very obsessed with certain things, like directions to places we are going or our new van we just purchased. He talks about it all the time. Please help! I want to know if this is normal and he just has a strong personality.

[Cleveland Mom]

His language delay is likely contributing to his behavior problems.  He likely cannot communicate as well as he would like to.  You need to address his behaviors regardless of the cause of them.  Set up a behavior plan.  Pick to problem behaviors i.e. yelling and hitting.  Tell him that there are some new rules and that there will be a consequence of a time out if he breaks the new rules.  Give him one warning, if he continues then place him into time out for 4 minutes, 1 minute for every year old he is.  Time out should be in a boring place like a bathroom or a closet.  BE VERY CONSISTENT AND HIS BEHAVIOR WILL IMPROVE!  

I set up a behavior plan with my two kids, 2 and 4 and have seen remarkable results in a short period of time.  Kids need boundries and need to experience consequences for them to develop self-control and emotional maturity.  A good book is SOS: Help for parents by psychologist Lynn Clark.  You should also praise good behaviors, the best reward is a "great job" or a hug or pat.

Is your son receiving speech/language therapy, if not it is a very good idea to have him evaluated.  You can contact your local school district and request a speech/language evaluation or contact your doctor for a referral for a speech/language evaluation.  You should also talk to your doctor about your son's obsessions.  Best wishes...
Best wishes

[koukla29]

I agree with having him evaluated for speech services through the school.  In addition, some of the behaviors you are describing sound a little autistic in nature.  I would take him to a pediatrician for a check up and explain the behaviors to the doctor.  Banging his head on the table is self destructive and I would hate to see this increase or he begins to learn new ways to hurt himself.