4 year old does not listen

[Tammy]

I have a 4 year old son that does not listen to anything. He actually does the same kind of stuff over and over again after being disiplined.  We have tried every type of disipline you can think of and still nothing works. He stars school next year and I know they are going to make me put him on Ridalyn to calm him down.  We also have problems getting him to sleep at night. I have to yell at him to get in the bed at 9:00 and will continue to do so for about another 3-4 hours even after the routine of reading, brushing teeth, fixing the bed just right, and etc.. This is going on whether  he takes a nap or he doesn't. Another problem I am afraid about is a have a set of twin girls that are 7 months old, what if when they start walking and talking they act just the way he does towards my husband and I.  There are many other things he does too, just don't know how to explain by writing it. I am just at my wits end and many nights ready to have a nervouse brake-down...

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Tammy,

It sounds like things have gotten to the point where you're not experiencing many of the satisfactions of being a parent. It is exasperating when our efforts don't bring about the desired results.

There's no quick fix to what you're going through. You will be able to be more successful in your efforts at behavior management, but you're going to need some tutoring in this by an expert helper. It would be good to consult with a child behavioral health professional who can examine your child rearing practices and offer you some guidance in establishing a systematic approach to your son. The sooner you do this the better - you're floundering now, and the situation will only become more extreme if you don't seek help.

[candy]

Dear Tammy...Please E-Mail me so I can talk with you about your son. I have a 3 year old daughter that sounds just like him. Please write back.....Candy-->  ***@****

[DENISE]

I would love to talk to both of you I have a 3 1/2 yr old son who started the "terrible 2's" at 3.  He also argues, not potty trained, won't go to bed or listen.  Before age 3 he was an angel.

[DENISE]

I forgot to put my address please email me at ***@****

[Shawn]

I have a 3 1/2 year old son that is going through this exact thing... I don't know what to do anymore... his teachers at preschool have asked me to do something and his swimming lessons teacher has asked me to either get him to calm down or not to bring him back.  Bedtime is a horrible horrible time at our house... did you find anything that worked.. email me at ***@****...... thanks...

[Theresa Causey]

I have a son that just turned 5.  His behavior is almost unreal.  No matter how many time we disapline him for something he just does it again.  I replace 10 window panes within 7 days and he was disaplined each time.  When asked why did he do something he replies "Because I wanted to".  I am at the end of my rope.  He is on Metadate for ADD but his behavior has not change.  If anyone has any tips PLEASE send them to me.  He also is on medicine to help him sleep,  this has recently stopped working and as you know if they aren't asleep you had better not be.

[CG]

This sounds exactly like what I have and still am going through. My son will be 6.  I have done extensive research and have seen a multitude of Dr's. One thing that I have noticed and still have NO answer for is when he is having a VERY bad day, his heart rate is always 145 or over and his hands shake like a 90 year old man! He has recently been diagnosed with non-convulsive epilepsy, and so far every medication they have tried for the seizures has aggravated his behavior.  He has been given many different medications for his behavior and EVERY ONE has had the opposite effect that it should.  Even Codeine (for broken arm) made him WILD!  That stuff knocks me out cold.  I certainly sympathize with you, and wish you well in your search for answers and help, but I have been trying to get a diagnosis and a treatment for 4 years now and so far all I have gotten is frustrated! I have spent thousands of dollars on tests and medications! If you would like to discuss any specific issues or if you just need and understanding ear to vent in, please feel free to e-mail me at:
***@****

[vickie]

Do not let the Dr. that responded to your question make you feel as if you are lacking as a parent!  I agree that you will need guidance in raising a child with behavior concerns, but it is not necessarily your parenting skills that are causing the problems.  Also, NO school can force you to put your child on medication!  That is a parent's decision, not the school!

[vickie]

Do not let the Dr. that responded to your question make you feel as if you are lacking as a parent!  I agree that you will need guidance in raising a child with behavior concerns, but it is not necessarily your parenting skills that are causing the problems.  Also, NO school can force you to put your child on medication!  That is a parent's decision, not the school!

[Karen]

my e-mail is ***@****
If anyone has found someting that works, because nothing I do has.
My son is 3 and a half and out of control.Everyone tells me it's my fault and I am sick of it. I love my son and he is punished for his behavior but nothing works.Time-out makes him go nuts and so does sending him to his room, he will not stay. If you spank him he just stares at you as to say so what.If you take away his toys or something he likes he just screams and goes nuts until you you do. Everywhere we go people ask us to leave. My family will not watch him anymore,and most of the babysitters have quit.
He has tried to kill our pets, given his grandfather a fat lip,
punched a woman in the face while I was shopping,throws thing at people.
The thing that bothers me most is that he is the best and I mean best behaved child in his preschool class. His teacher has asked me to get him tested because she thinks he is a genius. He is very bright could that be his problem?????

[Karen]

my e-mail is ***@****
If anyone has found someting that works, because nothing I do has.
My son is 3 and a half and out of control.Everyone tells me it's my fault and I am sick of it. I love my son and he is punished for his behavior but nothing works.Time-out makes him go nuts and so does sending him to his room, he will not stay. If you spank him he just stares at you as to say so what.If you take away his toys or something he likes he just screams and goes nuts until you you do. Everywhere we go people ask us to leave. My family will not watch him anymore,and most of the babysitters have quit.
He has tried to kill our pets, given his grandfather a fat lip,
punched a woman in the face while I was shopping,throws thing at people.
The thing that bothers me most is that he is the best and I mean best behaved child in his preschool class. His teacher has asked me to get him tested because she thinks he is a genius. He is very bright could that be his problem?????

[Nikki]

I have 4 year old twins that are like night and day.  I was at my wits end when it came to discipline until one day I went to the bookstore.  It was there that I found my answers.  The book that has helped to "control" my kids and myself is called, "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too."  This is a phenonominal book and has helped me immensely.  I think every parent should own it!
Good Luck!!  My email address is: ***@****

[angela]

I too have a 4 year old son, and a 9 year old son.  It is like I am raising two 9 year old boys.  My first son didnt act like my younger one does, it seems the older my oldest one gets, the bigger of a smart mouth my younger one gets.  He tells me im stupid, he tells me im a dummy, he sticks his tongue out at me, he CONSTANTLY does the same bad things over and over.  I too am at my witts end with both of my children.  My oldest who is 9, he still throws major temper tantrums, and has started doing some of the stuff that my 4 year old is doing, cuz he thinks he can get awawy with it.  Sometimes I feel like pulling their hair out (cuz I have already pulled all of mine out)

Angela

[Cecilia Genthner [e-mail]]

Good for all of you!! Don't let your child go on Ridalyn if at all possable.  There are other alternatives.. Many natural sourses that may help. Please E-mail me and I will give you what information I have.  Grandmother of seven.

[Michelle Hatton]

I understand what all you mothers are going threw I have 4 children ages2-4-5-7-and a step daughter age 12 and my 4 kids dont listen to a word that I say and my husband works all over and so it's just myself and the kids all of the time and no matter how many times I ask them to do things they still ignore me and I have tried the wall they hate that but they don't stay there I literally have to stand right there so they will I have sent them to there rooms and they eather dont stay or they play even if I take there toys I have tried spanking and they tell me that didn't hurt which is flusterating I have tried grounding them from friends relitives and form going places and that isn't effective I am really sick of the problems and when I disapline them they come back with you hate me or I hate you and that just hurts I have spent many days and nights crying because of the way things are and I try so hard and it just seems that I can't do anything right I have also been in a state of depression since my first child was born and the doctor tells me that it's only temperary and will eventually just go away but I feel sad and depressed and my childrens behavior doesnt help any my 2 year old calls me eather stupid mom or b**** my 4 year old is a real wall crawler and will climb anything and everything my5 year old is extreamily mean to all of the other kids and me my7 year old acts like she is 2 she throws fits and the rest fallow if anyone can relate please wright me at michelleh49033yahoo.com thanks for listening it helped. home and lonley. Michelle Hatton.

[Michelle Hatton]

I understand what all you mothers are going threw I have 4 children ages2-4-5-7-and a step daughter age 12 and my 4 kids dont listen to a word that I say and my husband works all over and so it's just myself and the kids all of the time and no matter how many times I ask them to do things they still ignore me and I have tried the wall they hate that but they don't stay there I literally have to stand right there so they will I have sent them to there rooms and they eather dont stay or they play even if I take there toys I have tried spanking and they tell me that didn't hurt which is flusterating I have tried grounding them from friends relitives and form going places and that isn't effective I am really sick of the problems and when I disapline them they come back with you hate me or I hate you and that just hurts I have spent many days and nights crying because of the way things are and I try so hard and it just seems that I can't do anything right I have also been in a state of depression since my first child was born and the doctor tells me that it's only temperary and will eventually just go away but I feel sad and depressed all the time and my childrens behavior doesnt help any my 2 year old calls me eather stupid mom or b**** my 4 year old is a real wall crawler and will climb anything and everything my5 year old is extreamily mean to all of the other kids and me my7 year old acts like she is 2 she throws fits and the rest fallow if anyone can relate please wright me at michelleh49033yahoo.com thanks for listening it helped. home and lonley. Michelle Hatton.

[Michelle Hatton]

I understand what all you mothers are going threw I have 4 children ages2-4-5-7-and a step daughter age 12 and my 4 kids dont listen to a word that I say and my husband works all over and so it's just myself and the kids all of the time and no matter how many times I ask them to do things they still ignore me and I have tried the wall they hate that but they don't stay there I literally have to stand right there so they will I have sent them to there rooms and they eather dont stay or they play even if I take there toys I have tried spanking and they tell me that didn't hurt which is flusterating I have tried grounding them from friends relitives and form going places and that isn't effective I am really sick of the problems and when I disapline them they come back with you hate me or I hate you and that just hurts I have spent many days and nights crying because of the way things are and I try so hard and it just seems that I can't do anything right I have also been in a state of depression since my first child was born and the doctor tells me that it's only temperary and will eventually just go away but I feel sad and depressed all the time and my childrens behavior doesnt help any my 2 year old calls me eather stupid mom or b**** my 4 year old is a real wall crawler and will climb anything and everything my5 year old is extreamily mean to all of the other kids and me my7 year old acts like she is 2 she throws fits and the rest fallow if anyone can relate please wright me at michelleh49033@ yahoo.com thanks for listening it helped. home and lonley. Michelle Hatton.

[Michelle Hatton]

I understand what you mom's are going threw I myself have 4 children ages 2-4-5-7 and it seems that no matter what form of disapline I have tried it fails miserabily. my 2 year old is basically following the other three but when he does something wrong I disapline him for it and he tells me you hate me or I hate you all of them use that line he calls me names he gets mad and calls me stupid mom and my 4 year old is literally a wall crawler and will not listen for anything my 5 year old is mean all of the time except in school and my 7 year old acts 2 I have tried many forms of disapline the wall they hate that but I have to stand right there or they don't stay I send them to there rooms and they eather play even if I take there toys or they sit at the top of the stairs and scream I have tried spanking andthey come back with that didn't hurt which is only flusterating I have tried grounding them from fun activities and freinds relitives and that doesnt work.I have been in a state of depression since my first child was born and the doctor tells me it will eventually go away but I still feel sad and depressed all of the time. and my kids not listening to me doesnt help I have tried everything that I can think of without being down right mean and nothing works if anyone has any sugestions please feel free to let me have them my e-mail is ***@**** thanks for listening at home and lonley. michelle hatton

[Elaine]

I too understand these situations your children are going through.  I have a 3 1/2 yr old son.  He is an only child who throws all types of "fits". I have tried all types of discipline.  Rewarding good behavior and punishing for bad. I have taken away movie time, outside play, etc.  He is even seeing a therapist for aggression and anger.  I would like for any of you to email me so I may get some suggestions for dealing with this behavior.  At times I am not sure if I will make it through each "fit".  He hits me and my husband. He is very rude and ill-behaved in public.  My husband and I try not to take him anywhere. Please email with help.  Thanks, Elaine     ***@****

[jessck]

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