4 year old having problems in school centered around a new friendship
My son has recently had problems in school centered around one classmate. I have recently had a baby--my son has a 3 month old sister. This is his first year of kindergarten and in the beginning of the school year he made friends with a boy in his class. (One year older) This was both of the boys' first friend. Excited about this connection, our two families begun spending a lot of time together. However, there were a few incidents in which my son's friend said hurtful things to him and my son's feelings were hurt for the first time in his life. This was very upsetting to my son and after a few more incidents like this, we decided it was too much pressure for the boys and to stop spending time together socially. In the last few weeks, my son's teacher has been reporting that my son, on different occasions, has hit, kicked, and pushed his friend. Nobody has seen what has happened preceding the physical display and my son is unable to answer us when we ask him why he did it.
Yesterday, the teacher told me that my son cut this boy with scissors. It sounds like they were talking about cutting skin and the other boy held his hand out for my son, who used the scissors.
My son has been a very good boy up until these problems. He is very gentle (he has the normal behavior issues and gets time outs at home or toys taken away) WE do not hit in our house. I'm wondering if the little boy is saying things to my son to upset him and he is acting out physically (which of course is no excuse and we are working on this behavior) or if something else is wrong. He seems well adjusted to his new sister and enjoys holding her and kissing her and is very sweet with her. He is well-behaved at home for the most part. Also, when this other boy is not at school, my son does not have any behavior problems.
I am so scared and worried and I'm not sure what to do anymore.
Any help offered would be great.
Your description indicates that friction does exist between your son and the other boy, and the focus of attention should be directed not only on the behavior, but on the relationship itself. It would be useful if the teacher spoke with the boys together, perhaps joined by you and one of the other boy's parents. It's important to learn what is occurring in this relationship. Something is setting them off; it's not clear what it is. My sense is that, when you uncover this information, things will be fine and you, the teacher and the other parent will be able to help the boys do better together.
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