4 year old issues at preschool

[Bannett]

Hello. I'm not sure what to do with our antsy 4 1/2 year old.  He's always been a bright and outgoing little boy, however has also always been very touchy child with other children.  He "gets into their space", squeezes their arms, and sometimes pushes and bosses.  Earlier this year, he was doing fine in terms of doing his projects/activities and working on his letters at his preschool.  The past 2 months the teachers have noticed that he is not focusing on his tasks.  They have to move him away from other children at times so he keeps his hands off them and gets his work done.  I'm worried he might suffer academically since he's not finishing his work and also develop self esteem issues if he has to sit by himself and other children don't want to play with him (he comes home and tells me this sometimes).   I'm very concerned since I thought his "antsy behavior" was a stage at 2 and 3, but now that he's is 4 1/2 it is still continuing.  Should I consider seeking outside help with this issue?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

While it remains to be determined why your son is behaving in this fashion, I'm a bit reluctant to advise you to seek any specialized intervention. The reason for this is that your son is so young, and his behavior is not 'disturbed', if you will. Does it represent inadequate impulse control? Does it represent insufficient appreciation of personal 'boundaries'? Is it a symptom of hyperactivity? Any of these options are possible. For now, I would approach the situation by establishing a firm limit - 'You may not put your hands on your fellow students'. He should be seated not literally by himself, so that he is isolated, but sufficiently apart from others that he cannot reach them without getting out of his seat. If he violates the rule, he should be placed in time out for a brief five-minute period. My guess is that he will improve with this simple, straightforward limit-setting and discipline approach. What do you think of approaching it in this fashion?

[sarahot]

Hi, (see my comment below in response to yours) It sounds like he just needs a lot of redirection right now. I would hold out on seeking outside help but do discuss it with your pediatrician and ask his teachers for some type of daily feedback to stay on top of it.

[Bannett]

Thank you for your helpful response.  I sat down with his two teachers today and we decided to shorten his day.  He will now go M-F half days (8-11:30) instead of MWF full days(8-2:30).  They said that he starts getting real antsy late in the a.m. and early in the afternoon, after lunchtime.  They are also going to make sure he gets enough water and snacks.  (At home if he is really hungry he starts acting up).
They also described that today he was sitting in circle time and kept moving places (almost around the complete circle!) while all the other kids sat and listened. I'm not sure if he was trying to find the right person to sit next to or what! (the teacher says he is very happy and friendly with all of his classmates which is a positive note). They also say he seems to have trouble listening to a teacher after 5-10 minutes and starts getting unfocused. I hope it's a factor of him being only 4 1/2. If we eliminate his tiredness in the afternoon and hungry stomach, I really hope we see improvement.  If you have any recommended readings on what we could try at home to help him learn to focus better, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks so much!

[LMG83]

I'm not so sure reducing his time at preschool is a good idea. I think he sounds like a normal Mischievous 4 year old. All you need to do is be firm and consistent in your approach. Make sure he has a very steady routine so that he doesn't become hungry and tired. This means feeding times a home should be the same as at preschool etc. Time out is a good strategy and should be used when threatened. By this I mean dont say to him if you continue to behave in this way you will have 5 minutes time out and then dont do it if he doesn't stop. This will only make him think he's boss. When he's being disruptive during circle time they musn't focus on him, he will soon realise that he gets more attention and praise when he behaves how the other children are behaving. I wouldn't look into this too much, children pick up on negative vibes. The more you focus on the bad things rather than the good things the longer this will go on. Maybe introduce a reward chart to help you focus on the good things, he will soon want to be good all the time as he will get more from it.

[gpr]

A related discussion, Classroom management was started.