4 year old peeing on floor

[3_boys]

My son started peeing on the floor while my husband was on deployment with the Navy.  When my husband came back, it stopped for a few weeks, but then started back again.  He is 4, and has been potty trained since he was almost 3.  He takes his pants down and goes in his room, playroom, bathroom, and even on the walls in the hallway.  I ask him why, and he says he doesn't know.  He is highly intelligent and has always been ahead of the majority of kids his age.  I know that he knows better and knows that it is wrong, but I can't get him to stop.  This has been going on for about a year.  I have tried everything from a reward system, talking to him, time out, loss of privileges, spankings, having him clean up his own mess, making him stay right by my side at ALL times, and now am throwing his card collection in the trash.  One by one, each time he pees on the floor, I pick a card and cut it up, then he has to put it in the trash.  He is also wearing a diaper right now, as well as cleaning up his own messes (just with water...I use the steam cleaner later).  I am at my wits end with him.  Tonight we had a rational discussion and he expressed how upset he would be if I cut up another one of his cards.  We finished brushing his teeth and in less than 1 minute he came out of his playroom crying and said he had peed on the floor in there.  I really don't get it.  He KNEW what was going to happen and had just told me that he didn't want that to happen, yet he went in and immediately peed on the floor.  Most times he doesn't even tell me when he does it.  Either I or one of his brothers will find it.  Since the beginning, he would only pee on his end of the house (bedroom, playroom, bathroom, and hallway), but recently he even went in my room.  He pees on the carpet, and sometimes on books and toys.  I am SO angry now, I don't even know what to do with him.  I really thought the embarrassment of him wearing a diaper would do it, but once it is on, he doesn't really even think twice about it.  What can I do?  We are worried that he may have some sort of damage to his brain.  When he was 1 month old, he fell out of his baby carrier onto the pavement.  He had a skull fracture, and has been followed up on by his doctors.  His last scan was when he was around 2, and he was so advanced on everything, the doctors said he was just fine.  In the back of my mind, I have always been worried about him though.  Do you think  he could have some damage stemming from that?  Please help!!

[Lovesadkids]

Even if your son was hurt when he fell on his head (I'm sure you feel guilty about it, but believe the doctor!), you're still left with the problem.  I suggest you stop the "punishment" stuff - throwing things away, taking away priviledges, etc. since it isn't working and is making you feel worse, and probabaly making him feel worse, too.  I remember reading a study on mentally handicapped, institutionalized adults who had toileting issues.  When the patients had to 1) clean up the mess themselves, and 2) take a rather chilly shower afterwards, the behavior changed radically.  I suggest you be loving, sweet, understanding, and adapt those two techniques.  And don't either of you fret about him saying he doesn't want to do it, then he does it.  He thinks he's not in control of himself; therefore, he doesn't believe he CAN control himself.  I hope a little mopping and a cool shower will help him move past this hurdle.  Good luck!  

[Wicka]

Hi.  I too am having the same problem with my 4 year old girl.  Can I first say that the first thing you should do is STOP.  Think about the circumstances when your child first pees?  Through my own experience of my other two child (16) & (13) sometimes your child IS trying to talk to you but are not heard (if your house is as hectic as mine?)  I always bear in mind that my daughter is only just 4 years old and our expectations as parents usually exceed them.  I just say to her "never mind" and then sit her on the toilet, clean the mess up myself, then carry on with life as though it has never happened.  I do find that this method helps because if you start to make an issue of it then it becomes a bigger issue altogether.  When the peeing happens I feel it's just a way of your child saying "hey I want you to watch me play or can you help me build this, etc.  Please remember they are young children and sometimes their animal instincts just have to kick in for survival/attention.  Take care. xxxx

[momx2boys141]

I have a 3 year old son that is almost four and he has just started peeing on his bed, on the floor and even on his toys. When I ask him why he did it he tells me he thought it was the bathroom which he is a really smart kid so I know he knows better. I have tried everything spanking and taking privelages away even making him clean up the mess. I also have a 1 year old son and my husband works a lot and is not home much I have noticed that he only does it when his daddy is at home. I am wondering if he is trying to get attention from his daddy. But I am glad to hear that other people are having the same problem I was really worried that something was really wrong because he has been potty trained for over a year then he starts doing this.

[luvnlyfe]

OH MY GOSH! You are talking about my life. I have a 4 year old son, who is about to turn 5. He has been peeing on the floor for the past 2 months. I even found him peeing in the heat vent. Like you, I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. When I ask him why he does it he says, "I don't know". Again, like you we have taken away toys, but he still does it. I have noticed the he will even poo in his pants and he wont even tell me. He knows how to use the toilet he has been potty trained for about 1 1/2 years! He clearly knows that what he is doing is wrong but he continues to do it. I wish I know what to do, I wish there was a website that would tell me "this is the problem..." but there isn't. I find comfort knowing that this is happening to other people and that my son isn't the only one...maybe this is just a phase that some kids go through...

[marinewife7]

hey!! gosh i am glad i am not the only one my husband just went on deployment and my daughter started peeing in my floors right before he left before peeing in the floors she was peeing in her pants and would tell me she just didnt feel like going now its both most of the time she just hides it and then i find it of course when the carpet smell bad and then she tells me she doesnt know why!! the thing is she always does it in the day time and there is 3 bathrooms in my home and she was seriously 6 sets away from it when she peeied in my floor. she just turned 5 and is about to start school. i have tried everything and i am lost...... everything i seem to do just doesnt work its like she doesnt care! she is the only child so i dont know how it could be not getting enough attention cause its always just me and her. i am pregnant tho and am very scared to know what is going to happen when a new baby comes into the picture,,,,,, is it going to get worse?????