4 year old son out of control (in my eyes)

[vz8484]

hello

i have a 4 year old son who is very active. im at my wit ends with his attitude. im not sure if its me but i believe my son needs help. ive noticed he is bitting his nails, picking his nose, putting things in his mouth ie..paper, toys, garbage, pushing other kids, throwing his toys, talking back to me, saying bad words and licking his hands. he can never sit still and doesnt listen. i do use the naughty corner or time out in his bedroom. he doesnt play well with other kids and sharing is a big issue. he does attend preschool and his teachers have told me hes a good kid but once he comes home its a different story. ive tried every Nanny 911 technique and it seems like nothing is working.

i do have a 9 month old baby which that could be why he is acting like this but i ask him to help me out with the baby chores etc... which he loves. he doesnt hit or say bad things about her.

if anyone can help me out in this matter that would be great.  thank u so much for listenting.

[Cleveland Mom]

He may have sensory processing issues/Sensory Intergration Disorder (SID).  Some of the behaviors that you are reporting are consistent with sensory processing problems i.e. putting non-food items in mouth, licking his hands.  Sometimes kids with these issues are "sensory seekers".  They appear to be always on the go.  Do a search for sensory processing or Sensory Integration Disorder, there is a good deal of information on the internet about these issues.  An Occupational Therapist (OT) can dianose and treat sensory problems.  You can contact your son's pediatrician/family doctor for a referral.

You need to set up a behavior plan for your son.  Start by trying to reduce 2 problems behaviors i.e. back talk, name calling.  Telling these behaviors will no longer be tolerated and that he will go to time out when he does these things.  Time out should be in a boring place like a bathroom, utility room.  It should last for 4 minutes, 1 minute for every year old he is.   If you are CONSISTENT his behavior will improve.  He needs to have a consequence every time he displays the behaviors that you are choosing to work with.  It may be very difficult at first but after a few weeks, you'll see a big improvement.  The key is sticking to the plan.

Its not uncommon for kids to act differently in different settings i.e. school vs. home.  You mentioned he isn't playing well with peers, is this only at school?  How is the school handling it?  

[vz8484]

hi cleveland mom

thank u for sending me a post and your advice.

the teachers tell me when he plays with other kids he's ok but sometimes they have to be near him because he loses his concentration and starts pushing. they explain to him that its not nice to push and hit. they also told me that he has matured and has come a long way. when they have circle time and sit down to read a story, he sits and doesnt move but when it comes to play with others he loses his concentration.

ive also noticed that when he sees other kids he starts acting really silly by throwing himself on the ground or starts saying things from t.v. shows. for example he loves thomas the train and he will repeat what the engines say to other kids and they look at him really wierd. im not sure if its a boy thing but other kids i know they dont do stuff like that.

i feel so lost right now and very stressed out. i hope its just a stage but i will make an appt to see my gp.

[Cleveland Mom]

It can be difficult to pinpoint whats going on precisely with a 4 year old.  There is a wide range of development and children mature at different rates.  As with other domains children mature at different paces when it comes to social skills. It seems as if he social skills are not as mature. Another question, how does he interact with you, his father, neighbor kids and relatives? How is his language and speech?

[vz8484]

our interaction is good but there are days when hes not listenting to me. with his dad, its the same with me. with my sister (dina) and her husband, once he sees them he starts acting really wierd by running around the house, or telling them he doesnt want to see them, or hides under a pillow. sometimes he will try to lash out at them or tell them that their bad. with my other sister (vasso), no problems at all, but then again he doesnt really see vasso as much as dina. with other kids and relatives he tries to act really different and very wierd around them. it takes him about 10 mins to calm down and then he plays normally but then they start to fight over a toy, sharing issue and ive noticed that hes very obbessive over his trains. when someone else comes over that hes never met he acts very different as well. he tries to get my attention by running around, jumping on me or interupting our conversation.

he speech is great and same with his language.

[Cleveland Mom]

It is prudent to discuss your concerns with your GP.  Regarding the questions, that I asked in the previous post, I was trying to acertain if he had a serious problem with social interaction.  When children displays serious problems with social interaction it can be indicative of a pervasive developmental disorder (PDD) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).  Often, times children that have PDD or ASD will have sensory problems.  You may also want to do a internet search on PDD or ASD, there is an abudance of information on the web regarding these conditions.  The primary feature of PDD is severe problems with social interaction.  Via the internet, it is difficult to know if this is an issue with your son.  However, your GP would be in a good position to evaluate your son.


Keep in mind that children can have sensory issues and not have a PDD.  It is prudent for your to allow your GP to evaluate your son and guide you in terms of referring him to various specialists.  It is a good sign that your child's language is on track.  Most children on the so-called autism spectrum have significant problems with language. Best wishes...

[kelleymonte]

Wow, my son is 3 and has the same exact behavior with the exception that he will hit or smack his 16 month old sister and time outs do absolutely nothing!  That is the reason I was reading these posts... to try to find an explanation for his behavior.  It's really starting to upset and concern our family and I know I need to make him a dr. appointment.  It's soo frustrating dealing with it when I dont know why he's acting this way... I've cried countless times thinking about what could possibly be going on in his little sweet head:(  At least I know I'm not the only one....

[mommeeof4]

Hi
  My son who is about to turn 4 has very similar behaviors. He stays at home with me and his 16 month old sister.  He can't go to preschool because he is not potty trained. He can't keep his hands off of his baby sister. If they are in a room together he can't focus on anything but her. He is hitting, kicking,  and pushing her the whole time. My husband and I have never seen anything like it. I have two older children that never were like this. I usually have to keep the seperated which is really hard. He also will start acting silly when he gets around other children and will say weird things. He is also very destructive. He is supposed to wear glasses and we can't keep them on him. He wears them 5 minutes and then they are broken. Our pediatrician thinks he may possibly have Sensory Integration Disorder. He will have several meltdowns a day and it is very hard for him to calm down. He is extremely hyperactive. I am just at a loss.