4 year old starting to ask questions.

I have two girls one is 4 and other of is 2.  Long post sorry.

Let me give you a little background.  My Mother in law doesn't care for me.  The week before my husband I got married she wrote him a letter telling him she disaproved of me because I am overweight and I am not the ideal barbie doll type she hoped for her son.  

So after we got married she would call every other month and never ask how I was doing or mention me at all. She totally treated me like ****.  However, once she found out I was pregnant with my oldest she was afraid I would never let her see her grandchild so she did a 180 and started basically sucking up to me.  Once she saw her granddaughter at 4 weeks of age she turned right back around.  Second daughter was born same thing.  My mother in law gives me used gifts for christmas gifts and never talks to me, although she is cordial on the rare occasion she comes to visit.  

She loves her granddaughters to pieces and tells them all the things she bought them.  

Heres the problem:  This has been going on for some time. The telling the girls oh I bought you this cute little outfit, or book or whatever, BUT they never see it.  They do get christmas and birthday gifts from her, 2 weeks late each time.  

My four year old is started to put two and two together and realizing that my parents stick to there word and come visit her often, we all live in different states, but that her nana is not following through.  So She says right in front of my husband that my mom is her favorite grandma, not her nana.  It hurts my husbands feelings and depresses him. HE's tried to talk to his mom about it but it does no good.  She is huge procrastinator and doesn't care.  

What can I do.  I can't make the woman treat me better and this has been going on for 9 years, I don't think I care anymore.  What I do care about is the fact she is hurting my daughters.  

[Christy H]

I totally know how you feel because my mother in law hates me to death. The thing is my children can tell that thier grandmother doesn't like me and they will on occasion comment on how mean grandma is to me. I simply tell them that maybe grandma had a bad day or I most of the time I don't say anything at all. (my daughters are 7 and 13) I will tell you this I never say anything negative about thier grandma because I have chosen to take the high road on this.like I sure you are also.  Just like your mother in law she has called me a lazy fat *** witch and that my husband needs to kick my *** to the curb. Like you my parents are great with my children and I have now learned that my children may not have two sets of great grandparents but at least they have one good set and they will figure out on thier own that they don't want to be around that woman and if you don't say any thing negative about her to your children they can not say that you were like her. When they do ask about thier grandma being crappy you could try saying " I know honey but you know that daddy mommy and the other grandparents love you. You could also say something like people show their love in different ways and grandma shows her love by ( say something really positive that your mother in law does do even if its something small.) In the end I will tell you that my grandparents never made me feel like I was loved and was always the grandchild that never got what everyone else got; not that material thing matter but when you are young and you don't get what everyone gets it does affect you. Now that I am older I have come to realize that i had one awsome grandma a lot of kids not even have that and that my other grandparents did the best they felt they could. So I understand both sides of a relationship like that the child and the daughter in law.
As for your husband, letting your husband know that you love his mother no matter what she does or says will hopefully get him the strenght as it did my husband to know that he never has to chose between the two of you. i only say chosing between the you because i know that he must feel so torn between the woman that gave him life and the woman that he has chosen to spend his life with.
Please know that you are not alone in this problem and that my prayers are with you! I hope that this helps a little and please let me know how it goes!
Your friend in mother in law issues,
Christy;)

[Chrissylynn324]

my mother used to do that to my children and it would cause my older one to cry... i finally had to sit down with my mom and tell her that while she thinks she is doing the right thing by talking to the children about coming to get them or getting them something, etc... that katelyn (my oldest) is getting her feelings hurt because she remembers everything my mother tells them... i also told her that if she isnt sure that she will be able to see them or isnt sure about anything she says to them that i would appreciate it if she would just not say anything to them at all... she had her feelings hurt at first but eventually i think it started to make sense to her. i am sorry that this is happening to you, i hope that you can get it resolved because i would hate to see it lead to your child resenting her for something that could be avoided.. good luck =-)