4 year olds potty accidents

My son is 4 and a half.  He has been day time potty trained since he was 3.  He continues to wear a pull up at night.

Our main problem is he has wetting accidents almost daily, but only at home.  Sometimes more than once a day.  He goes to preschool 5 days a week (3 days until noon and 2 days until 2:15).  He never has an accident there.  He also never has an accident when we are out or if he is playing at a friends house.  Even this summer we went on vacation for 3 weeks and that whole time he only had 3 accidents.  He always makes it to the bathroom for bowel movements.  His ability to make it to the bathroom when he is away from home indicates to me he is aware of when he needs to go and how often.  So why is he constantly wetting at home?

As encouragement I allow him to get a jelly bean every time he goes to the bathroom at home.  I have tried a reward system where he had to go so many days with out an accident and he would get a special truck he wanted.  The day after he earned the truck he wet his pants 3 times.  I took the truck away for 3 days.  ( one day for each wetting).  The day after he earned the truck back he wet himself again so I took it away again.  I have also taken away special things like is favorite blanket and teddy bear with out results.  I have tried using tickets.  Each time he wet he would get a ticket if he got 3 tickets in a day he would have to go to bed 1 hour early with out a story.  After a week of going to be early I gave that one up.

When he has an accident I tell him to go to the bathroom finish going potty and  then change his underwear and pants. (which he can do himself.)  Sometimes he changes without even telling me.

I am so frustrated with this.  What else can I do to get him to go at home.  I remind him frequently.  But when we are out I never have to remind him.  He tells me when he has to go.  Or when we were on vacation this summer he just went on his own when he needed to.  I hardly ever reminded him then.  

Other than this I have no deciplin problems with him.  He has two older sisiters who were potty trained just after their 2nd birthday and night time trained by 3 with hardly any accidents.

Help!

[rebbecca]

Boy are alot harder to potty train then girls. My son didnt finally get potty trained until the week before he started preschool. I dont know what it is but it has to be a boy thing. It like when they are ready they just do it on thier own is weird. I have a 1 year old boy and i am not looking forward to it again. lol
Good Luck

[aMommy2one]

I wish I had something to tell you.  mY daughter will soon be 4 and she is yet to be fully trained.  Just hang in there, some kids take longer than others

[Amre]

Thanks for your encouragement.  It just gets so frustrating when I know he has the ability to get to the bathroom and when we are home he just doesn't make the effort to do it.

Things have actually been getting beter over the past few weeks.  A friend suggested the jellybean reward for him and that has actually made the most difference.  You would think it would be the truck he had been asking for.  That really didn't help at all.  There went $50.00 down the drain.

[friendineed]

my friend is having the same issue with her four year old son, he knows to go to the bathroom at preschool but when he gets home he has accidents. They have tried taking away his toy cars that he gets when he does go potty in the toilet. Movies get taken away from him for a day or two. HE can't do fun things when he is grounded like his brother gets to do. My friend has also tried the sticker chart and that hasn't worked either. I'm fresh out of ideas. If anyone has some other ideas that will work please let me know.

[tmad]

I have a son who will be 4 in November.  He's been trained for about a year (during the day) and lately having accidents daily as well but no problem with the bowel movements.  I totally understand how frustrating it is.  I was taking things away from him but now I will try and not react whatsoever.  When he has an accident I will simply say "you know what to do, put your clothes in the hamper, change, etc" and then leave it at that and see what happens.  I checked the internet regarding this problem and the first thing "they" say is punishment is the worse thing you can do.  I felt horrible after reading that, cuz I was doing exactly that.  They continue to say it in fact makes things worse!
You know how they say when someone is bugging you and pestering you to ignore it and they will eventually stop...I am thinking maybe if I stop "bugging" my son to "stop peeing in his pants" and getting frustrated at him and threatening him that eventually he will stop.

[rozzie510]

What a good site for voicing your worries. I have a 4 year old son who has just started school, he was a night mare to train, i tried to train him several times and eventually had to do it when he went to a preschool who were very supportive and helpful (although he should have been dry then to go there) but he has had accidents every single day. I took him to the doctor who said he will do it in his own time before he is 6. He has always been a bit leaky so I just put it down to having a weak bladder, but recently i have been concerned as I feel he is just doing it to get attention or when he can't be bothered. I really feel as if we as parents aren't doing the right thing but have tried everything over the last year. Rewards, praise, sticker charts etc. also explaining why its important and sometimes getting angry. I just feel so frustrated with him. He is a lot slower in lots of waysthan his brother who I trained at 2 1/2 fairly easily. His speech was slower, walking and his attention span is not great. I don't want to push him and make matters worse  but get so fed up of this. Feel better knowing he is not unique and its obviously more common than I thought.