4 year old's violent and disrespectful behavior issues
My stepson is 4 years old. He has gone back and forth between parents for the past 4 years. Finally they went through the court to establish custody and he is currently living with his dad. During the periods of time that he was living with his mother, she would deny access to the child. Needless to say there has not been much consistency in his life which could very well be the cause of the behavior issues that we are facing now. However, we have tried disciplining in many different ways, none of them seem to work...Please Help!
Here are the major issues:
1. He is very disrespectful to his grandfather (who also lives in the same house). Grandpa will go to give him a hug and he raises his fist at him and on many occasions tries to scratch his face. If papa even tries to talk to him, somethimes he will make icky faces at him. Grandpa is very hurt when he does this, none of his other grandchildren treat him this way. We have taken away all of his movies with fighting in them (Spiderman, Batman cartoons etc.) and talk to him about how he is hurting papa's feelings, but it seems like he just doesn't care.
2. He listens best for me, I am with him for the most part during the day. He does not listen at all to his dad (who he adores) and often does the exact opposite of what he tells him to do. When he says "Please pick up your toys" My stepson says "If I dont what's going to happen?" My husband will say "I will have to take them away" and my stepson says "For how long?" It gets very frustrating and I feel as if it is all a game to him.
3. He has said in different circumstances that he wants to die, that he doesn't care if he hurts people's feelings, and that he "likes bad guys". This is very strange to us because we are a Christian family and we are trying to raise him with those values and the results we are getting are the exact opposite! It is very disconcerning to me that a 4 year old wants to die!
4. When he plays, I can always hear him talking about blood and guts and sawing things in half and other violent things and I am not sure where he is getting all this from.
We have tried time outs, they don't work. We have tried spanking and he just laughs at us, We have tried taking away toys and that worked for a while, but it is begining to lose it's effectiveness. What else can we do?
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