4 yr Old Daughter talks about privates in Pre-K

[inmaniac]

We have a healthy happy (very intelligent) 4 year old daughter.  She is in private pre-k.  On occasion she will talk about "pee pees" and her own privates.  Rest assured that at home we don't talk about this.  We have admonished her every time we have heard from her teachers that she has done this.  

She is obviously needing attention.  We can give her more attention at home, but I personally spend a lot of time with her on the weekends.  (We go to the zoo, aquarium, park, movies, etc).  So she isn't neglected and we aren't abusive in any way at all.  (I mention all of this so that no one will draw the wrong conclusion here).

Recently she started a new class and moved into private pre-k.  As is normal she didn't take the change very well.  Its more structured and formal and not as much "fun".  I think her previous teacher gave her a lot of special attention, but the current teacher "doesn't condone this". So she has been having troubles making the adjustment.  

The teacher sent us a note recently saying that our daughter was talking about her privates.  "Boys have a wee-wee and girls have a vagina".  It was an innocent statement.  Of course we don't want her doing this.  But the teacher reacted to it with alarm.  I could tell from the teachers note that she thought this was very disturbing.

So I wrote a note back telling the teacher the following things:
1) She stopped doing this for a year and now has started again.  
2) We will DEFINITELY work with her on this and tell her to stop.
3) I'm bothered by the fact that you are ALARMED by this.  Isn't this somewhat normal behavior?  

The teacher responded saying that in her 4 years of teaching she has never ever had a child who ever talked about their privates.

QUESTION:  Is it normal for some children to refer to private parts?  Or is this rare and disturbing?

What I would like is a statement in this forum from an expert that I can take to the school.  

Thank you.

[hf2272]

My son is a stay @ home 4 yr old. He talks "potty or privates" talk at least once a day. After potty training completed he went thru a "have to see the bathroom every place we go" stage. Now we are teaching about privates and noone should touch them etc. I think it is perfectly normal. Ever seen kindergarten cop? I doubt they would put that line in a movie if it was something that happened often.

[Kellyn1604]

Is this even a certified teacher? In all her 4 years....4 years is not that long. I went through college and certification to be a teacher and we had to take a child development class. Of course that's normal at her age. You just need to be firm and explain that it's ok to talk and ask questions at home but not at school. If you don't make a big deal about it, it won't be such a big deal to her. I agree with you that this teacher isn't experienced and doesn't need to be with small children if she gets that worked up over something so natural.

[allmymarbles]

You daughter seemed to do better at the other school. Why did you change her to this one?

[inmaniac]

My last comment was necessary.  If this teacher is alarmed by an innocent comment, then she may also be thinking that my daughter is making this comment based on some horrible abuse at home.  We are at risk for this teacher taking a drastic action against us.  

Thanks for your comments.  I really do appreciate them.  And I do appreciate your position that you don't want to get involved, but I have given you enough details to understand the situation.  You agree that what my daughter did is common. Given the fact that there is a teacher who says that in all of her experience as a teacher she has never heard of any student expressing the difference between genders, then I think its clear we have a teacher who has very poor experience with 4 year olds.

We are changing schools.  So don't worry about us needing to ferment a better relationship with the school.  But now I can go to the school and discuss this (and other matters) with the leader in an effort to protect future students from a similar situation.  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I really don't think it is appropriate to inject my comments into the situation between you and the school. Why? Because I do not know your daughter and cannot make any conclusions about her in particular. Is it within the normal spectrum for a child of four to express curiosity about the differences between the genders? Yes. Is it within the normal spectrum for a child of four to voice thie interest in this matter by mentioning the anatomical differences between boys and girls? Yes. Don't construe this as endorsing any position relative to your daughter. Her behavior must be evaluated in its context, not simply in relation to guidelines about what might be regarded as age-typical behavior. An important thing to keep in mind as your daughter moves through school is maintaining a strong alliance between you and the school. In my opinion you would have been better off refraining from your last comment in the note. It invited conflict when there was no need to do so.