4 yr old boy compulsive

[jerseygrl8385]

my son is 4 yrs old and we believe he has adhd. recently, under 2 months, he has started stealing, just little things from our rooms, a piece of candy or a cool tool (his dad's a mechanic)or anything along those lines. we started a reward program that if he was good he'd get stickers on his calender. he'd pick them out of the book and put them on himself. we have 3 different sizes so depending on his behavior he'd get the appropriate size, if any at all. he saw a camera he wanted to but in the store so he was working up to get the camera. i figured as long as he had 5 or 6 days of stickers that it would be ok, but if he didnt get them 2 days in a row then he would have to start over. it worked for about a week and a half because he is really excited to get his camera but then the other day he did it again, but not like he normally did it, he had taken at least 4-5 things between the kitchen, our bedroom, and my mother-in-laws room. then yesterday we were at acme and he wanted a pack of gum, which he knows he's not allowed to have, but after asking me and me saying no, he took it. i didnt know about it until 830 last night when i was checking his bed and getting him in his bed. there were 2 pieces missing. i was so upset i started crying when i got into my room, i don't know what to do. i think he is too young to understand sitting in a police cell. and i'd make him go to acme and pay for it but there are pieces missing and i work there and don't want to get myself in trouble at work either. i don't know what to do to get it throught his head this is bad, i've tried explaining it, i've tried showing him it hurts people when you take things. i've tried taking his things. nothing works. is this normal?i understand there are stages with kids but i think this is to extremes. please help, any ideas, anyone?? thank you!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No, it is not normal for a child to be taking things after you have educated him about what he can and cannot do. However, young children are typically egocentric and pleasure-seeking and it can take a while for lessons to be learned. Your incentive plan was not suitable for a child so young. The basic rule of thumb is that an incentive system for a child so young should not be cumulative. Every day should stand on its own. That is, he should receive a reward each day he is successful in not taking something. Now, the reward has to be modest. Usually some form of treat is perfectly adequate for such a daily reward, and you'll be pleased at how effective it is. Also, establish a standard consequence for violation of the rule. A time out (e.g., ten minutes) and loss of a privilege (e.g., viewing television) would be reasonable.

[indigo39]

I've heard of a parent who had this problem...when they noticed things were missing they would announce that it had better appear in box in the kitchen. The box was set aside for stolen things to be returned, and if the items didn't show up in the box by the end of the day there would be consequences such as time-out or loss of privileges/toys.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is likely that the reason time out has not been effective is the manner in which you are implementing it. Remember: progress is a matter of two steps forward, one step back. It takes time and consistency. If you follow the guidelines in Lynn Clark's book titled SOS Help for Parents, you will be very pleased. Your son's impulses are getting the best of him, and by an effective plan of behavior management you will help him to improve his impulse control.

[jerseygrl8385]

time out and spanking doesn't work. loss of privelage works to an extent, but not for long. his grandmother asked him why he does it if he knows he's going to get in trouble and he says he knows its bad but his mind says to do it. i'm trying to get him to understand that when he takes things it hurts people. is it acceptable when he takes something, have him give me one of his things and then he can earn them back by not breaking the rule? thanks.