4 yr old boy lacks interest in peers,may have sensory issues?

[kerlin]

My 4-1/4 yr old son is still very attached to me and prefers to be with me than with his peers. His teacher reported that he does not initiate or join in play with others, is more the lone observer doing his own thing. His cognitive and academic skills are advanced (he can easily count to 100 and do very basic math) and he is extremely verbal and loves "reading" books and hearing long, involved stories. But when the pre-K group is involved in an activity he tunes them out and will respond when prompted by the teacher but usually in non-sequiters and often involving violent fantasties. He clearly prefers adults or even older kids to children his own age. But when we meet up with one or two kids outside of school he often will play with them, at least if it involves physical play like wrestling or chasing. Once it goes beyond this he usually likes to be the leader and do his own thing, not cooperate or share. When I ask him about school and the kids he says: "no one will play with me, I don't have any friends." he says he would like to be friends with kids but appears to lack the basic skills to do this.

He seesm to need to exert control and wants to do things himself. He gets upset and angry if things don't go the way he expects or wants them.

He sometimes will be angry and hit or kick but this is rare and he is keenly worried about consequences so tends to behave. He respects authority figures.

He is very loving and responsive when kissed and hugged.

Some other related observations: his fine-motor skills lag somewhat; he still prefers fist-gripping markers and his pictures are still very primitive. But he is very advanced in gross motor skills.

He seems to have some sensory issues: he will complain about loud noises (toilet flushing, blender, loud music) but doesn't seem so concerned if he initiates the loud noise (his own screaming, banging of pot lids, if he vacuums, etc.). His hearing has been tested and seems to be fine.

He may also have tactile issues as well: he really hates and will fight having cream sunblock applied (but will tolerate stick sunblock), dislikes having his hair washed or getting wate rin his face. He also is a very picky eater and has resisted new things and will not try raw or even cooked vegetables and fruits unless pureed into a neutral-looking sauce.

He is very oral. He gave up his pacifier without too much troubke at 3 but held onto his morning milk bottle until 4. He still says he misses it. He often has his fingers or hands in his mouth often licks his own skin and even the skin of others, and mouths objects. (He is not a thumb-sucker)

He constantly has his hands in his pants, front and back, and complains about his behind being "sticky"(we had him checked for worms and found none).

When he is in a group of kids he will sometimes sit and swing his head around and around (to avoid ineracting?) He almost never does this at home.  

Would appreciate any input and suggestions!

Kerlin

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your description indicates that your son's social development is somewhat delayed. The important intervention is to keep him in the mix, so to speak - i.e., keep him engaged in age-appropriate activities with peers. Each season, include him in some organized out-of-school activity at least one day each week. His major socializing will occur at school, but augment this with other experiences as well.

There are some indications that he might display some sensory integration issues (e.g., tactile sensitivity, tactile defensiveness). It might be worth your while to arrange for an occupational therapy evaluation to take a look at this.

And remember, he is still very young. Development does not proceed in a straightforward, progressive manner in alla reas with all children. It's the norm for some areas of development to be more advanced than other areas.

[Binka]

This is EXACTLY how my 3 1/2 year old daughter behaves.   Even down to the sun cream.   You could have been writing about her.   According to the many relevant people I have consulted - nursery staff, doctors and parents with similarly aged children - she is going to be a leader rather than a follower and simply has a strong personality.    The fact that your son responds more to older children, adults and well to authority shows that he needs more stimulation than his peers can offer and he is smart enough to work out who should be in charge.     He is just a bit bored with repeating activities he has outgrown and of course is too young to have developed the social skills to hide it politely!   Nobody outgrows the love of being chased, that comes from a different pleasure source.

The sun cream issue turned out to be a control issue rather than a tactile one.   You would have thought I was pouring boiling oil on her, she screamed so much.    But I got round it by offering her the choice of sun cream or tickling cream.    Two different colour bottles of sun cream - the one she recognised (and hated) and a new one I told her was tickling cream.   She liked this notion and now very happy with whole thing.   So it really is just the desire to have control over what is being done to her - more supporting evidence of somebody who is not going to be pushed around in later life.    He sounds just fine to me.

[peachrose]

Try reading the book, The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Krandnowich (?). I think you will find a lot of answers.