4 yr old child extremely defiant

He can be the sweetest kid at times but lately the older he gets the more i find myself in "battle" with everything. i have hundreds of videos of this behavior. i currently use 'time-out"  Its not effective he gets up and grabs shoes or toys and throws them,runs and hides,he is angry and kicks and punches his little brother and older sister. When i leave the house he looses his mind darting off laughing at me and in stores he runs through the isles and screams and knocks things off the shelves.ANYthing i tell him to do he does the opposite,there is no winning.he throws these aweful fits for hours on end.the longest lasted more than 6 hours straight of his distructive and violent behavior. he has broken his brothers bed and dvds his own toys,ripped his posters and all of his drawers out of his dresser,he threatens to "break us" or "run us over with the car" he has sweet days but most days are hell.i become so exhausted with chasing him around to keep him from hurting the other two or breaking things that i cannot even reward the good behavior of the other kids. The other two have no behavior issues..i have tried and still continue to over reward good behavior he has NO FEAR of consequences AT ALL..he has used toys to hit his younger brother and i have thrown them away and he screams he does not care.he can be so vindictive and spiteful..i have resorted to locking myself in the house..he has been kicked out of daycare for his behavior..and i cannot go anywhere with him without his father.let me mention when his father is here things are significantly better but he has no fear of him comming home..and also lately he tries to get his brother to hit me and kick me too..i dont know what to do.i did hear of a disorder called OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER and he has EVERY symptom of it.now getting a doc to take me seriously is another thing. he is in counseling but its not doing any good for him.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

That degree of disorganized behavior invites pharamcological treatment, even at his young age. You should have him evaluated by a child psychiatrist and see what recommendations are forthcoming. Counseling (i.e., face-to-face talk/play session with him) will do no good.

[PARSLEY424]

Yes i agree, psychiatrist.... I have 2 boys... i think u r on the right track w/ oppositional defiance disorder. My boys are ADHD & both have ODD. unfortunately we had to do meds. My youngest who is 6 now,but was 3 1/2 when i started meds. for him it was a matter of life or death. so hyper & crazy things were happening. broken femur at 2 1/2 & almost hit by a car for dashing into parking lot. i was a prisoner in our home. which is not good for him or me, but think of what it must b like for him inside his head all the time. I had to look at it as if i were him & I had to think about how unhappy he must feel. My older son takes meds too. 4 1/2 yrs between them. started meds at same time & my younger son ison a higher dose then my older son,because he is so hyper. go go go. No fear, no pain,(spanking) taking fun things away. you know what i am talking about. I dont know what state u r in,but ask his therapist if they know of a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD & call. A book I like to use is"The power of a positive Mom" Helps me say no or maybe later in a nice yes kinda way. great book. just use what info u need.
Hope I helped u. I have been there & still visit it from time to time...
PARSLEY424