4 yr old daughter with increasing anxiety

My daughter, Beau, who is almost 4 and a half, has had issues with severe shyness starting at about 2 and a half. She is extremely outgoing at home and does have some good relationships with peers, but with anyone new- males in particular - she just becomes mute and can't even look their way. I put her in preschool in Jan of last year and after me staying with her for 1 hour the first day, she did very well and was independent for most of the rest of the semester. Gymnastics was the same way this summer. Our first day she clung to me (and didn't even look up once) as I carried her from place to place in the gym with the class, but the next time walked with me and became independent for the rest of the session and really loved it.
The issue now is that after Christmas break she has been anxious about school and made me stay with her for about half an hour the first week (MWF). I expected her to improve, and let me go earlier this week (and when I say "let me go" I mean, she will scream and cry and cling to me if I try going before she is ready) but she has not improved, and instead seems to be regressing more. On Wed., I let the teacher physically remove her from me so I could leave. She was upset for several minutes, but actually was fine for the rest of the day. I had a lot of special activities and treats for her at the end of the day and emphasized her 'courage', which we have been focusing on this week. But today, she wouldn't even get close to the entrance to the class- remembering, I'm sure, the forceful way I left her the previous time.
She's also refusing to go to gymnastics- I walked around with her the first day and the next week she wouldn't even let me do that- she just wanted to leave.
I feel like I've tried positive and negative reinforcement and I'm just out of ideas. She is extremely strong willed and I need help. It's just so frustrating.
Thank you for any ideas.
Lucinda

[jdtm]

What you are dealing here is anxiety - actually, I suspect you are dealing with social phobia along with separation anxiety.  When a child is shy, he/she is able to function in a social setting, albeit more slowly than more extrovert children.  From your description, it appears that your child cannot function at times in social settings; therefore, there is more here than just shyness.  Being mute is a sign of severe social phobia and is called "selective mutism".

I might suggest you check the website "selectivemutism.org" and look carefully at two specific areas - the FAQ section and the RESOURCES section - Useful Links -.starting with The Child Anxiety Network.  You should find many articles similar to that of your child. As you can see, this website offers a multitude of links and resources. Your daughter is not acting this way on purpose; she is not obstinate; she is trying to survive the best way she know how by trying to control her environment as she is unable to control her emotions in perceived, unsafe places (as school)  The only way to help this child is to lessen the anxiety - discipline, bribing, or any type of reinforcement usually do not work (as you have already discovered).  Treatment will depend upon the severity of the disorder I would urge you to seek help from your family physician, a child neurologist, or a specialist in anxiety disorders as a psychiatrist or psychologist.  Anxiety does not go away nor will your daughter outgrow it, but with early diagnosis and treatment the prognosis is excellent.

If your daughter is already speaking in school (and you did not mention this), then you do not have a very severe sm (selective mutism) issue.  Our child did not speak for almost four years so we had to deal with very severe anxiety.  Please get help as soon as possible - even though this issue is tough on the parents; it is more so for the child.  Please write back if you have more questions that you think I might be of assistance.  Good luck and there is help out there.