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4 yr old inserting toys into vagina and anus
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4 yr old inserting toys into vagina and anus

I recently walked into my daughter's room and she was sitting with her pants and panties pulled down.  She had closed her door, which is rare.  I noticed when I walked in, she had a toy near her vaginal area.  I asked why her panties were down and she jumped up and pulled her pants and panties back up.  She said she didn't want to tell me what she was doing.  So, I asked her to sit with me on the bed so we could talk.  She said she didn't want to tell me what she was doing and just wanted to hug me.  She thought she was in trouble so I made it clear that she wasn't and I was just curious.  Finally, she told me that she was sticking things in her bottom (she calls her vagina her bottom, also).  I asked which bottom and point to both her front and back.  She said both.  I asked if there was anything in them now and she said no.  So, I told her to go use the bathroom and wash her hands.  Then, that we would clean her toys off.  I told her she shouldn't stick things in there because she could get a bad infection.  I emphasized that she wasn't in trouble.  I don't know what to do now.  I was molested as a child, so that is my first reaction.  I'm a single mother and she goes to daycare everyday.  I asked her what made her want to do that and if someone told her to do it.  She said it was her idea and nobody has done that to her.  But, she's a sweet little girl and wouldn't want to get someone in trouble.  I don't know how to get her to tell me if someone is touching her without making her shut down.  Also, I don't know if this is just normal behavior, like sticking a crayon in your nose.  Please help.  I'm really freaking out.
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All you can do is ask her and use your instinct in understanding her reply. It's important to maintain your equanimity and not let yourself be 'freaked out', as you put it. To do so will be to convey alarm and anxiety to your daughter. It is possible that the behavior has no component of mistreatment, so you should not assume that it does. Be sure to check with the pre-school to see if they have heard or observed anything.
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