4 yr old kicked out of preschool

[kemi833]

I came here because my 4yr old was kicked out of his preschool. I was wondering if it was only my son that had behavour problems in school and I found out from reading all the posts that I'm not alone. What I've read here are even worse than what my son does but the question is are they right to kick him out? I was told he threw a chair but he has denied it. He said he fell off the chair. This is the third school. I pulled him at of the last two before they kicked him out.


This discussion is related to Behavior Problems - Daycare.

[sarah_b_]

Hi schools cannot just kick out kids. They have a procedure that they must follow if they where to formally perminatley exclude a child. However saying this is they have not offically done this although it is not helpful or pleasent I would suggest finding him another placement as you do not want him to have a perminate exclusion on his record so young. Find him a placement that can support him effectivley.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, for your basic question----  does a preschool have a right to 'kick' a child out.  I feel they do as it is not just your child there but many others that have a right to a positive and safe experience.  I don't think preschools like to 'kick' out a child but will do it if they feel it is hindering the whole class/school on a regular basis.

You indicate that this isn't the first time your child has had issues in preschool.

Well, my son also had trouble and challenges in preschool with behavior.  For us---------  I wanted to know why.  What was going on with my child that he was reacting that way and acting that way in school.  It turns out that my son has sensory integration disorder.  We've tackled it head on and now he is a second grader with no problems with behavior whatsoever.  We addressed what was going on with him and things greatly improved.

So, I think you need to figure out what is going on with your boy.  Kicking the chair over is one thing the school told you.  Why would they make that up?  Be realistic and rational about this even though it is your child.  His lying about it is common (and AGE APPROPRIATE).  But more was going on.  You need to get actively involved in getting this information and do not be afraid of it.  It is the key to helping him so that he can go somewhere and fit in.  

I'm sure he'd like to fit in himself but just may not know how.  HELP HIM.

[tiredbuthappy]

Has he been officially "kicked out", as in cannot return, or was he sent home for the day due to the behavior.
It is not uncommon for a school to send a child home for a day if his behavior endangers others. Throwing a chair would definitely fall in to that category. But for a school to ask a child not to return... then the behavior must be really dangerous or out of control. Given your child's history, I suspect he did throw the chair. I have worked in both private and public preschools. In those experiences, it was VERY rare for a child's behavior to be so extreme that they are thrown out from the program. And where it came down to that, it was because of the parent's refusal to get the child evaluated to figure out the problem and eventually help the child succeed in the environment.

You do not provide many details, but the few you do raise some warning flags. First is that this is his third school. You pulled him from the last 2 before they kicked him out. What were the behaviors there? What interventions were tried? Have you consulted any professionals? Are his behaviors just wild or are they aggressive and intended to harm others? What types of meetings have you had with the school? Have you observed him in the classroom? How is his behavior at home?

There are so many possible causes for these problems, I wouldn't try to speculate based on the little information provided. It could be a discipline problem stemming from home, a developmental problem, a sensory processing problem, an emotional problem, etc. It can be due to a bad fit with the school, but since this is the 3rd program, I doubt it would be that. I do encourage you to reach out to the school and get specific examples of the problems. Also, find out what their expectations of behavior are, and see if you agree with them.

I urge you to start searching for answers. Pulling him from programs and trying different ones can also have a negative impact, as it builds insecurity. Feel free to post more details in regards to some of the questions I listed, and we may be able to help steer you in a direction (who to consult, what to look for in a program, what may possibly going on, etc). Good luck and I hope you find some answers.

[djackson89]

Errr not always the case they only kick out because the parent isn't helping. I did absolutely everything the daycare mines stayed at the longest asked of me including getting an evaluation done by a local mental health agency. That agency danced around giving me the results after asking the counselor the child saw multiple times, then when I called directly to demand them for a meeting with the daycare they insisted i'd have to wait 30 more days when i'd been waiting around nearly 3 months for them.

In the meantime the daycare kicked him out citing they didn't have enough staff to give him the attention he needed. All their 40+ years of combined advanced college education didn't help our situation and every daycare we dealt with after that was even worse and less capable to deal with my kid even when I disclosed everything that had happened over the years during the initial visit to even start the sign up process.

Every single time this happens I see the judgmental look of accusation that his problems are due to me being a "bad" parent, when it's coming to light to be ADHD related behavior issues, as they open their mouths to claim "staffing" issue is the reason we can't deal with him". Yeah okay, as I watch another kid throw a tantrum in the background because they didn't get what they wanted.

Guess we should quit our jobs and live under bridges in our cars if our kids aren't perfect because I simply don't see any support in this area as a low income single parent, there's no payment help for an individual to come babysit and teach in the home.
Kindergarten has been a nightmare this year even after I warned the teacher and school even tried to speak to the school counselors beforehand so the situation could start being managed early and they weren't available no one attempted to call me until the behavior became an issue. I dread summer when school's out because I have nowhere to send him because every daycare is turning out the same or they're full and have no openings.

[specialmom]

Hi djackson. These things are so hard to navigate.  And you NEED care and school for your child.  Are you in the states?  Do you have a diagnosis?  I learned a lot about rights of families over the years with my son. He has sensory integration disorder and is now 17, but sincerely, you and your child have rights.  NO child can be denied an education. If he is kindergarten age, your local public school must provide an education and if he has a diagnosis, services for him.  The first step is official diagnosis.  Your pediatrician can help you get that done.  And then you have a right to demand a meeting at your local public school where he would attend kindergarten.  They have to comply.  He can have an IEP or 504 plan (my son has this) in which accommodations are given.  STay hopeful, it will be okay. Happy to talk to you about all of this. hugs

[specialmom]

I also understand about feeling like people are critiquing your parenting and thinking it is your fault.  I felt under a microscope and like people acted that way to me too.  Other parents actually complained about my child.  I was so upset.  It was so cold to me that the school told me that as if I wasn't worried enough about my child.  He was a little boy doing his best just like their children but had some additional things he was dealing with.  So, I understand.