4 yr old potty training

My son is 3 yrs old, will be 4 in 3 mo he knows how to use the potty and knows where he must go to use the potty.  Recently, he has gone to peeing in his room especially around the door and foot of his bed.  The only thing that concerns me is that he is picking a choosing when he wants to pee in his room and when he wants to pee on the potty. I have asked him why he pees in his room and he just says i dont know, and when i ask him where he is supposed to potty he tells me plain as day in the potty in the bathroom.  I am at my witts end because we have taken things away, we have punished him, everything to get him to stop but it seems to be getting worse, and it even seems as if now not only is he just pulling his pants down and peeing on the floor but he is always peeing in his underwear, please if i can get any advise it would be much appreciated..

[AnnieBrooke]

Knowing where he is supposed to go to pee, and being able to do so when sitting on the potty, are just fine, but that is only part of the learning a kid needs before he will be able to potty train.  He needs to know how to hold it (which he never needed to pay a lot of attention to when in diapers).  And then, if he does notice his bladder is giving him a signal that it is full (he might not if he is playing), he needs to be able to stop what he is doing, stand up, walk to the bathroom, undress, and pee, all before it's too late.  Just being able to pee when placed on the loo does not mean he has put 2 and 2 together about the physical cues that signal he needs to head for the bathroom, or that he has the impulse control to stop what he is doing in time.  With my son, there was a year or more between him being perfectly happy to sit on the potty chair and pee when on it, and his knowing that bladder pressure is a signal that he is supposed to pay attention to in enough time to do anything about it.  

Since the situation for you over potty training and accidents has now become emotionally charged, I would put your son into pull-ups for now and let the matter rest for a while.  Making him feel like a bad boy will only make him more anxious, and therefore less able to change his behavior or to talk it over with any kind of rationality.  (Which is a lot to expect at 3 anyway.)  Let the issue defuse  ... not having to worry about him peeing in his room or his clothes will de-stress you even if you are tired of changing diapers.

Talk to his pediatrician, and look up potty training references on the web.  Go onto Amazon and get the book (written for you) about potty training that looks best, as well as some books (for him) about going potty.

One other suggestion is that if you're lucky enough to have some setting in which he will reliably stay dry (my son never peed in his diapers or pull-ups when he was with a particular babysitter because he didn't like the way she changed his diapers), put him on the potty immediately upon leaving that situation while he still has the sensation of a full bladder but before he has peed in his pull-up.  He might make the connection that a full bladder signals it is time to head for the toilet.  Once he has that, the rest is all downhill.

[AnnieBrooke]

Knowing where he is supposed to go to pee, and being able to do so when sitting on the potty, are just fine, but that is only part of the learning a kid needs before he will be able to potty train.  He needs to know how to hold it (which he never needed to pay a lot of attention to when in diapers).  And then, if he does notice his bladder is giving him a signal that it is full (he might not if he is playing), he needs to be able to stop what he is doing, stand up, walk to the bathroom, undress, and pee, all before it's too late.  Just being able to pee when placed on the loo does not mean he has put 2 and 2 together about the physical cues that signal he needs to head for the bathroom, or that he has the impulse control to stop what he is doing in time.  With my son, there was a year or more between him being perfectly happy to sit on the potty chair and pee when on it, and his knowing that bladder pressure is a signal that he is supposed to pay attention to in enough time to do anything about it.  

Since the situation for you over potty training and accidents has now become emotionally charged, I would put your son into pull-ups for now and let the matter rest for a while.  Making him feel like a bad boy will only make him more anxious, and therefore less able to change his behavior or to talk it over with any kind of rationality.  (Which is a lot to expect at 3 anyway.)  Let the issue defuse  ... not having to worry about him peeing in his room or his clothes will de-stress you even if you are tired of changing diapers.

Talk to his pediatrician, and look up potty training references on the web.  Go onto Amazon and get the book (written for you) about potty training that looks best, as well as some books (for him) about going potty.

One other suggestion is that if you're lucky enough to have some setting in which he will reliably stay dry (my son never peed in his diapers or pull-ups when he was with a particular babysitter because he didn't like the way she changed his diapers), put him on the potty immediately upon leaving that situation while he still has the sensation of a full bladder but before he has peed in his pull-up.  He might make the connection that a full bladder signals it is time to head for the toilet.  Once he has that, the rest is all downhill.

[cheshchesh819]

have you tried putting his potty in his bedroom to see how that goes for a few days,maybe he is shy about peeing infront of people and thats why he does it in his bedroom.punishing himis not the answer her help reassurance and time is whats needed,its all part of the learning process and if not pushed to much will come together in the end.

[jjmom115]

thank you for the comments and suggestions i am considering taking him to his pediatrician because it is beginning to worry me especially since for the longest time he has went to the bathroom on the potty no problem and then suddenly started going in his bedroom on and off, i just want to make sure everything is allright and i am doing what i am supposed to, i am just very glad he still uses the potty for #2