4 yr old wettin bed and pooping pants?

[lynne1276]

My stepson lives with us full time and he will be 5 in July.  we were having a problem with him pooping his pants and peeing his bed.  It seemed to have calmed down for awhile and now its back again.  When i ask him why he does it he just tells me because i am lazy.  He is a very smart child and I don't know if he is just looking for attention.  His mom isn't really in the picture at all and we both work alot so its very rare that we are all home together.  I am preg also and he is very excited about the baby.  I just don't want to be changing diapers on a 5 yr old!!  any suggestions???

[RockRose]

Lynne - night time bed wedding is very common in 4 year olds,  I wouldn't necessarily think he's doing it on purpose,  or out of laziness.  Also,  he may have a physical condition associated with constipation that causes him to have bowel accidents.  Search the web for "encopresis" and see if it sounds like him.

A four year old wouldn't be able to tell you why he's wetting the bed,  and soiling if it's accidental - he may just say he's lazy because he really doesn't know.

If he doesn't have other attention seeking behaviors,  like acting out,  I would be inclined to think it's not on purpose.

Best wishes.

[imcrazy2]

I am a little concerned that he would tell you "I am lazy".  That explanation seems like something he would have gotten from being told so by an adult.  If that is the case, you should be concerned about who is saying such things.  Telling a child he's lazy can damage his self-esteem, and could definitely contribute to problems such as having "potty accidents".  The BEST thing to do is NOT draw ANY attention to it.  Ignore it completely, and don't make him feel bad!!!!

[lynne1276]

thanks, thats what I've been doing and it seems to be working.  He thinks he's going to get in trouble and he doesn't.  He hasn't done it in a few days.  I really think that he is needing attention whether it may be positive or negative.  His mom wants nothing to do with him and I really think that affects him.  I can only try my best but I can't replace her.  thanks for your advice

[Jollyfraggle]

My child is now 8, and we have been dealing with this issue for years.  It has gotten better, but it's been a struggle.  We did have him checked out by a DR., talk about relief and some guilt.  The MD told us that he did have encaprisis @ enurisis.  The bedwetting and day time wetting was solved with a small dose of medication taken twice a day.  Now that more time has gone on he only takes a dose before bedtime to help him NOT wet the bed.  As far as the pooping of the pants....have patience....my son has been in counseling for 3 years now and that has been a main topic.  My son does it for control and for attention.  He figures it is one of the only things he has total control in so he uses it.  We gave him a ton of positive affirmations ALL DAY, tried not to make a big deal out it when he did do it ~ just told him to "go take care of business", which ment cleaning himself up (sometimes required help or a shower) and changing his clothes, taking his dirty underwear to the laundry and washing it, of course with a full load of his clothes.  I know it seams like alot for a 4 year old, but that's when we started ours with this and it worked wonders.  Now at 8, it is a rarity that he make a "bad decision", which is what we started to call it.  But it did occur almost everyday until about a year ago.....we also used a reward chart, if he didn't make a "bad decision" for so many days in a row he would earn something..I would buy a few small things amd put them in a bag with different numbers.  Each bag would contain a small reward (usually a small toy), this was a daily reward.  When he would reach his first goal of 7 days "bad decision" free he would earn something larger, that he had a choice of picking....bowling, going out for ice cream or pizza, something he really wanted.  We made charts and used stickers for the days that were good, and even stickers for days that weren't so good.  Make your son a part of the process...making charts, choosing stickers for good days and bad days, have him put the stickers on and help you make the charts.  BE PATIENT...I know how hard it is......

[thegrupes]

Ugh.  We feel your pain.  Our 4 yr old began peeing all over the house (except in the toilet) about six weeks ago.  We've seen his pediatrician, a clinical psychologist, and we've searched the internet and bookstores endlessly for a solution.  We've started charting, where he gets a sticker for every day he didn't do it, along with daily rewards such as quarters he could use to buy a toy at the end of the week, and dessert after dinner. All of this worked for about 24 hours.  No matter how diligent we've been about positive reinforcement, we no longer have any faith in it.  To him, it's just an opportunity to outsmart us and be rewarded.

Prior to this, we tried following the doctor's suggestion here at MedHelp, which was basically to set a limit and take away a privelege when he did it.  That didn't work at all, as once he started losing priveleges he must have begun to feel that he didn't have anything to lose.  It got to the point that he had almost no priveleges left at all.  Then we tried taking away prized toys.  

Or house is quickly becoming ruined.  He's even taken to peeing on his stuffed animals and prized possessions, which we have no choice but to throw out.  No matter how careful we are to search for new places he's peed (without giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he's drawing this much attention), he always seems to outsmart us by changing rooms or strategies.  To him, it's definitely a game.  If we put him in his room for time out, he'll pee to spite us.  If he gets in trouble for misbehaving in some other way, he'll pee somewhere else.

We know of no particular changes or stresses in his environment that may have instigated it.  He is a happy child, who is generally well-behaved (aside from the obvious).  He is also incredibly intelligent, which we fear is a major contributor to this

We've tried everything, and we are at the end of our rope.  The thought of years of therapy is agonizing.  Much like you we feel some combination of fear, humiliation and powerlessness.  We'd give anything to see this go away.

Good luck to you.  And if you find anything at all that works, please let us know!!!  We promise to do the same!

[aaron123h]

My four year old step son is constantly pooping in his drawers. we have tried stickers and he was doing well for about a month and the it all reverted back to the same behavior. When asked why he does it he gives the I dont know answer. I am at my wits end anddont know what to do. I've tried being nice, ive tried getting angry. I have never had kids and to inherit this kind of problem is a strain on my new marriage. My wife and i argue alot over it. I feel she is too lenient and she feels i am to strict.My problem is I love the kid but can't stand to be around him cause he stinks and my gag reflex is pretty sensitive. Please any advice would be helpful