4 yr old won't sleep in her own room

My 4 1/2 yr old daughter has over the past few months gotten into a bad habit. She goes to sleep in her own room but wakes up every night. When she wakes up, instead of going back to sleep, she comes into our room and either wants one of us to sleep with her or to sleep with us. We now let her sleep in her sleeping bag in our room when she wakes up so that we can get some sleep. I've tried telling her to stay in her own bed but she then just screams for us when she wakes up, thus waking up everyone in the house. She has to have to light on when she goes to sleep and doesn't want to be alone in her room. We don't know what to do to get her to stay in her bed and get to sleep herself without waking us up. She used to do this. Help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ellen,

You will have to bite the bullet if this situation is to improve. Every time you allow your daughter to remain in your room you are reinforcing her behavior, not changing it.

You must tell her that she is to sleep in her own bed, and bring her back to her bed when she comes to you. For a time she will cry. But she will stop this if you persevere. There really is no way to accomplish this subtlely.

If you employ the SEARCH function in this forum, you'll see other questions and replies about this very issue.

Be patient and firm and consistent - it will get better.

[Donna]

my son who just turned 4 was doing the same thing..are problem was we would lay on his floor till he fell asleep at night..then if he woke up he would expect us there..and he would come in and wake us up constantly..we tried paying him a dollar if he stayed in bed all night to taking certain toys away if he got up..nothing worked,,finally, we little by little stoped staying in his room till he falls a sleep,and the only thing that worked was taking away tv priveleges the next day..he still once in a while gets up for juice or to go to bathroom but does not wake us up anymore..thank god!hope this helps you out

[sue]

I had the same problem several years ago, my son is now 7. This is how we resolved it. I went out and bought him a cheap headphone cassette player. I bought children's audio cassetts books for him to listen to at night. (Barney, Arthur, etc.) It put him to sleep immediately because he thought it was very special to be able to listen to his audio books on tape. This also relaxed him in bed while listening to a tape. And at the same time, he was able to follow along with the books. As a result, he learned to read at an early age. Good luck!

[sue]

I had the same problem several years ago, my son is now 7. This is how we resolved it. I went out and bought him a cheap headphone cassette player. I bought children's audio cassetts books for him to listen to at night. (Barney, Arthur, etc.) It put him to sleep immediately because he thought it was very special to be able to listen to his audio books on tape. This also relaxed him in bed while listening to a tape. And at the same time, he was able to follow along with the books. As a result, he learned to read at an early age. Good luck!

[Christine]

My son was going through the same thing at age 4.  I think something goes on with kids at that age--they start getting lots of fears (being alone in the dark the major one).  My son would have a fit when I put him to bed.  He would finally go to sleep but would awaken in the middle of the night and want to get in my bed or have me come in--he seemed afraid of being alone.  Unfortunately there seems to be no magic cure for this.  The absolute WORST thing you can do is to give into it and let them come into your room or you into their's to sleep.  It definitely reinforces it.  I stood my ground with my son.  When he was afraid, we would just go back in his room, I would sit with him for a few minutes and try to calm him, and then I would do anything that would help him.  Sometimes he wanted the hall light on in addition to his night light.  He went through this for weeks (months maybe) and it finally just stopped.
Christine

[Deb]

I don't know why so many people feel that letting your child come into your room is the worst thing possible.  My 4 yo also went through phases when he was scared and would wake up and come into bed with us until the morning.  After a few months, he went back to sleeping in his own bed for the entire night again.  I think that letting them sleep in a sleeping bag in your room is a perfectly acceptable solution, especially if your bed is small or you can't sleep well with them there.  Children won't do it forever and you have offered the reassurance and security they need to get through a "scary" time.

[2ris]

A related discussion, help me with my 4yo was started.

[shelley121]

A related discussion, My 4 and 1/2 year old wont sleep in her own bed. was started.