4 yr.old grief

My son is four and struggling with some issues.  He has recently lost his two cousins and best friends in the world in a fire.  He has went from happy preschooler to miserable and withdrawn.  He will not sleep alone or go in a room that we are not in.  He fights and cries everyday he has to go to school.  I am also expecting in March and although he is so excited about the baby I'm not sure if that's not part of the problem. I tend to lean toward the other issue.  What do you think??????

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Alice,

Such an acute change in behavior is more than likely due to the trauma of the deaths of the cousins, though it's by no means out of the question that the impending arrival of a sibling could exacerbate the situation. In the immediate aftermath of a tragedy, very unsettled behavior, such as the separation anxiety your son is displaying, is quite common and can even be regarded as a normal response to a very upsetting event. As time passes over the coming weeks, with proper support, your son should return to his former level of behavior. If he does not, seek professional intervention. Try not to alter his usual routines. They can be a source of comfort and stability. So be sure he follows his usual bedtime routine, and insist that he attend his school program, in spite of his reluctance.