41/2 year old who won't stay in bed.

My 41/2 year od son has had a problem staying in his room since he was out of a crib. The father and I go nuts every single night with him.  When he started going to daycare they were rubbing his back at naptime and it is worse.  I refuse to rub his back and the father always gives in.  We sometimes will shut the door and that just makes him scream he won't give up either.  He will srceam till he throws up.  I don't know what to do anymore It's been going on forever obviously.HELP!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Cheryl,

At the root of this difficulty is your and your son's father not adopting a uniform approach to managing the situation. Until both of you are on the same weavelength, it's not reasonable to expect that the situation will improve. It is not fair to your son to be subjecting him to such inconsistency around what to expect at bedtime.

[traci]

I am going through the same thing with my 4 1/2 year old son.  We recently read somewhere that if you give him a small flashlight and play soft music thst that may help/  I will be trying this now, since we are also at wits end. good luck.