4yr old mood swings

[mkadon]

I am a single dad with a 4 year old who will turn 5 this coming January and I am wondering if his recent developing behavior falls with in the normal range or whether I  am witnessing a developing trend that should seek help to nip a problem in the bud.

My son was born in Bangkok, Thailand, his mother my wife who is now separated from us is Thai, so he is half American half Thai.  As you may be aware the Thais are quite close with family, in fact my sister in-law lived with us helping in the daily care for nearly the first two years of his life.  At 2 we relocated back to the States, the wife, son and I.  Over the next two years my wife, having difficulty adjusting to life in the States made several trips back to Thailand along with our son, so he has traveled quite a bit now, and on most trips they would stay for months at a time.  Eventually leading up to today, my wife has returned to Thailand by herself and I am now caring for our son.  He attends day care Monday – Friday, spending the nights and weekends with myself.

His behavior has always been good, few tantrums, outbursts, etc.  In fact we have received many comments over the past few years on how good his behavior is, and his behavior with other children has always seemed pretty normal for his age.  He has a healthy apatite, active interest in typical boy interest, trucks, any thing dealing with construction, animals, etc.  When I inquire at day care about his behavior it is always positive.

Recently though, he has begun to show swings in his moods, often almost immediately.   The triggers for these mood swings seem to be very small, he could be chugging along in the morning while we prepare to leave for day care, then all of a sudden he will cross his arms and stamp his foot and declare I don’t want to do…., and then proceed to be very negative up until I drop him off at day care.  He displays these swings at any time, often he will go from stating “I don’t want to be a bad boy” appearing to want to please, then swing to “I don’t like it” when I state “its bath time”, and sulk or mumble at a low volume to himself such things as “stupid dog” or “stupid toy” and on and on.

Now he does have his own room, however he refuses to sleep in it alone, he has to basically sleep with me every night, which I understand is the norm in Thailand.  I don’t know if this is contributing factor, I figured he would eventually grow out of it and want his own room.

I don't know how or whether to seek help. What I should do..... Please help

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

These behaviors are not symptomatic of emotional disorder. Had you not mentioned the circumstances surrounding his mother, I would have noted that the behaviors are typical of many four-year-olds. While it's impossible to know, the change in behavior may well be associated with the change in the family composition. It goes without saying that your son is going to have some reaction to the loss of his mother. Such a major loss is not going to occur without some reaction, and in young children the reaction ususally involves some change in behavior. Keep setting reasonable limits and expectations, and try to maintain a regular structure (re: wakeup, bedtime routine, mealtimes, etc.). Even if your son does not mention his mother, occasionally bring up the topic. He won't be able to really grasp what has occurred, but at least he has some idea of her home country and where she is, because he has been there as well. Be alert to his reactions, and do your best to answer any of his questions in a simple, straightforward manner. At some point in the near future, it will make sense to tackle the sleeping arrangements, but not so close to when his mother departed.

[Ali922]

A related discussion, Four year olds Mood swings & tantrums was started.