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4yr old will NOT listen at daycare...2 months straight!!

my 4yr old daughter is a little behind on speech and a little more immature than other kids. she is also very hyper active and gets frustraited easy. she started a new daycare and she is acts terrible there. at naptime its the worst..she wont lay down and if she does she screams and yells as loud as posssible to keep everybody awake. when she is awake she constantly runs around the room and climbs on their furntiture. we keep a chart at home and everyday for the past 2 months it has had only sad faces. we come home everyday...draw the sad faces and talk about her day. we take away toys, tv, games, and books ...she cries and says she "wants to be good" and she "will be good tomorrow" we give her no attention after that and she goes to bed by 8pm. on the weekends she is good for us...she naps when we tell her its time and she does what she is told to do 95% of the time. we are so tired of getting calls from the daycare everyday. its now cutting into our work schedule. we have no other option...we both must work. the daycare is now tired of it and more or less said she cant come back. she has basically been without fun things for 2 months now. on the weekends when she is good for us she earns her books back and sometimes games and a toys. :( im so tired of her being in trouble EVERYDAY...this is an EVERYDAY thing!!!!!! she gets a spanking at home every single day :( NOW we are out of options there is nothing left to do
5 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  At four, my own son had a very hard time in a preschool setting.  He ended up having sensory issues that made school much harder for him and he was a different kid there than at home.  We sought the help of an occupational therapist and things improved dramatically.  I tell you this not to suggest that your child has a nervous system issue like mine but to comiserate.  At four, no child really enjoys getting into trouble at school.

I've found that daycare all day for some kids is a long day.  You know how you feel after a long day of work, well-----------  young kids get equally as tired and have a difficult time maintaining themselves.  Not much you can do about that if you have to work, you have to work.  But understanding that it is a long day for your child may give you the empathy you need in dealing with it.  

I know that something that we did is something that benefits many  kids----  many kids need a good deal of physical activity and exercise to maintain themselves over all.  Running, letting off steam without having to be in a structured environment is really important for kids of 4.  I imagine that is why weekends are a little better for your child.  She is more active physically.  I would figure out how to add physical activity into her day every day.  After daycare, I'd have a snack ready and stop at a park and let her run, climb, swing, jump, etc.  I'd sign her up for swim lessons (indoor pool if necessary).  I'd run races around the back yard.  I'd jump on a trampoline.  If you need in the house ideas for movement/exercise, let me know.  We have a cold climate in winter where I live so I found ways of doing this indoors such as setting up obstacle courses, etc.  I can give you ideas if you need them.  anyway, then at school---------  talk to the teachers about some movement breaks for her.  Leap frog down the hall with another child, carry books for her teacher to the office, etc.  These things do slow the nervous system and help kids feel more calm when at school.

I am not a fan of the mandatory nap time and hope they have an alternative for her at that time if she can't sleep.  

I agree with sandman that punishing her after the fact is insult upon injury.  It is not her fault that she must spend the entire day in a situation that doesn't fully suit her.  Discipline must also be immediate to work.  Let the school handle that.  good luck.  I hope it all works out for her!!
Helpful - 0
1006035 tn?1485575897
Nap time has been quite the controversial issue in this house. Between us and our daughter's teachers that is. We don't care if she takes a nap. She doesn't need it and we feel that the teachers make waaaay too big a deal out of it. They push the issue way to hard. What are you supposed to do? Make a child sleepy and take a nap? That will never work. I've always believed that there has to be a way to work with the child at nap time. There's gotta be something she would like to do at nap time. Can she read a book, color, or watch a quiet video? In this case, just like my daughter's, I really don't think it's the child's fault she is "misbehaving."

While it is common for young children to have trouble sitting still, sometimes it is an indication that something else is wrong. Have you talked to your pediatrician about the possibility of a developmental delay such as autism/sensory integration disorder/verbal apraxia, etc? You said her speech is behind and she is immature for her age. Children with autism develop more slowly (if at all) and have an incredibly hard time sitting still, especially in a big, loud, foreign place like school. We just found our daughter has autism and this is why she has struggled so much. If I was spanking her and punishing her for a having a neurological disorder I would feel incredibly guilty. Our therapists said that is actually one of the worst things you can do for a child who has autism because they don't understand what you are doing. They also hold grudges.

Also, we use a chart at home, but only track positive things. When she misses the mark we leave the space blank. That way it's not negative in any way. The bigger deal you make out of bad behavior the more likely it is that a child will repeat it.
Helpful - 0
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
      Everything the above posters have said are right on target.  I want to reinforce the no punishment at home.  There is no way at this age that a child can connect punishment at home for actions at school.  You can work on teaching her behaviors at home that will transfer to school once she has learned them at home.  And as a retired elementary school principal, I would have to say that the list of suggestions by tiredbuthappy are exactly what I would have recomended - and I thank her for taking the time for such a long, detailed post.
Helpful - 0
171768 tn?1324230099
Naptime can be tricky in daycares. Some kids don't need it but more than half of the 4 year olds I work with do nap and certainly need it. Naptime is also complicated because it is often when there are less staff members in the room.
Here's some steps I would take-
first, I'd lay off the spanking. Seems it's not working, and is possibly making things worse. I agree with margy that there are way too many negatives going on here, and they often spiral out of control.
Next, I would find out more about her behaviors at school. If she is only behaving like this at naptime, then clearly they need to find a different way of handling nap. If these problems occur throughout the day, then you may need to look at if the program in general is a good fit.

Why did she start a new daycare? How was her behavior in her previous daycare? Did they have similar problems? Could she just be stressed from the transition? I have found that naptime is the hardest time of day for children who are having anxieties or difficulty transitioning to a new situation. During the rest of the day there are lots of distractions, but naptime is quiet and gives time for reflection. In addition, some daycares are completely inflexible at naptime and insist that every child be absolutely quiet and not move. I know my kids sing themselves to sleep softy. I have worked with some people who would have yelled at a child doing that. Find out what exactly their expectations are for the children. Be sure to send comfort items like a bear, special pillow, blanket, etc. You could also send a little photo album of her loved ones to help comfort her.  Find out where they have her rest. Maybe she'd be better in a quiet corner or closer to a source of light. Ask if she could read or color quietly. If you have a special naptime CD at home, ask if you could send a copy for them to play in the classroom.

I would also lose the chart. It is very rare that we have parents track their child's school behaviors at home. Little kids don't make those kinds of connections. There is too much time between the incident and the consequence. When she is screaming at nap, she is thinking that she misses mom or is sad or frustrated, not that if she doesn't stop she'll get a sad face on the chart.

Maybe build to a better naptime at school by acknowledging the things she does well at school. If she starts getting positive reinforcement for the good parts of the day it may transfer to the more difficult times of day. If they are tracking her behavior at school, make sure the chart is for 3 time periods- morning, naptime, and afternoon. One chart for the whole day is unreasonable for some kids, and that one sad face because of naptime essentially negates all the great things she did that day.

I know this is a lot thrown out at you, and obviously you wouldn't try them all. These are all different accommodations we have done for children having difficulties in the past. It does show that when working with young children, daycare *should* be willing to be flexible to help a struggling child adjust. If they are unwilling, then it may be time to look for another center.

Finally, if you feel she has a speech delay, you may want to consider an evaluation to make sure she isn't eligible for services. If communication is contributing to her frustrations, it may help.
Helpful - 0
535822 tn?1443976780
4 year olds do not need naps ...ask the day care to let her draw or play somewhere.Too much punishment going on, no wonder she would be sad.Focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right ...good luck
Helpful - 0
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