5 Year Old Tantrums-What do I do?

[RockoS]

I am a divorced father of a 5 year old boy who is very well behaved most of the time except on occasions where he doesn't get his way. This happens about twice a month when I pick him up from his mothers for my visitation.   He will melt down and start whimpering, stop listening and if I try to put his seatbelt on he will fight me, punching, kicking, say he doesn't like me etc.He has done this with his grandfather, grandmother, and at school. His mother has put off even talking to me about this problem and says it's just me, when I know it is not the case.  This has been going on for about two years.

This tends to happen when he is overly tired. When I talk to him about this later he is remorseful and sad by how he has acted. I don't know what to do or how I can manage these situation. If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate it. Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

When young children are depleted, their behavioral controls disintegrate and they very easily dissolve into tantrums in the face of strains. If the pattern is that these tanturms occur only when your son is tired, try to limit the demands that are placed on him at those times and try to limit the amount of comings and goings expected of him. Once he is in the tantrum, all you can do is wait until he has calmed down. Do not try to accomplsish anything while he is tantrumming - it will only increase the problem. At his age (versus, let's say, when he was two years old), it's OK to give him a ten-minute time out after the tantrum to convey that this behavior is unacceptable. It's not that the behavior is entirely within his control, but when he experiences that there will be a consequence for a tantrum it will gradually increase his behavioral controls.

[kate223]

you mentioned the tantrumming is worse when he's tired and i believe it. i am a huge believer in the importance of sleep and my friends and extended family think i'm nuts because of my strict bedtimes. my four 1/2 year old son happens to be very sensitive and if he misses even just 1 hour of sleep from going to bed a little late or waking too early, his mood is altered. remember when they were infants and how loudly they cried when they were hungry, uncomfortable, or tired? well it's the same basic rule of thumb now. i'm sure it's hard for you because you don't have control of sleep patterns not living with your son full time, but encourage his mother to get on board. if he were not eating enough, you would make sure he got more to eat and this is just as important. i live by the words of Marc Weissbluth in his book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and i strongly recommend it to you and your son's mom. good luck.