5 Year old not following directions

[Pramom]

Dear there ,
My son is 5 years and 5 months . He is a sharp learner and active boy . But he has been getting compliants from school that he is not following directions needs several reminders , and when he is asked to sit for rug time he puts all the books back and then comes over for rug . Some other incidents are like when the school bell rings he is the last one to go inside hte class after hanging his Bags .So pretty much he decides to do things on his choice . Teacher has to put that extra effort in getting him . I am not sure if the is trying to get attention .He is not physically rude to anyone . He plays very well with his 2 year old sister . He gets bored with lots of things , i need to motivate him for new sports or any new thing .He loves reading, writing colouring , he is very good in maths . When he sees his friends at home he gets excited , and that time he doesnot listen to parents as well.He sleeps well from 8:30 till morning 7:00 AM .I am just worried is this normal behaviour or should we have him evaluated . Please help .



This discussion is related to 5-year old behavior problems.

[Sandman2]

   Its always a good idea to start your own post, so your questions don't get overlooked.
   You really haven't given us too much info.  How old is your child?  What grade is she in?   Is she more in trouble at home then school?  What has the school tried to do?  What do you try to do?
   By the way, kids do not even know or understand the importance of discipline.  What you are doing is trying to change her behavior.  There are some very good set practices for doing so.  I suggest that you buy,  "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  It will give you a wonderful system that you will find very helpful.

[Minismommy09]

Ladies please help. I have a one yr old too and am diabetic too. I tire easily and loose hope fast. I run out of solutions at times. Don't know how to help my child.

[Minismommy09]

I have same issue with my daughter. She will not follow directions. I feel it's just that she is a child. And doesn't realise how important it is to be disciplined at school and outside. Sad part is she feels bad if reprimanded by her seniors and will give up any activity we are trying her to get into.

I am so sad!

[roythegr8]

Iam rt there with u.....my son is also a young 5 and he just started kindergarten....exactly same story.....mom's intuition says i shud give it some time and let him settle down.he ahs shown trmendous improvement in academics but he is still getting into trouble for little things like throwing mulch at a boy who was scaring himand making faces at him :-)
hold on tight...its just a phase and it'll pass......but remember u know ur kid more tahn anyone else....trust him and offer plenty of love and support!!!

[mvwalker]

I have been having issues with my 5 year old son also. He is very respectful and listens to us, but when he goes to school, gets around groups of people, or other children, it's as if he forgets everything that he is taught and he does the opposite. He knows that his behavior is not acceptable because he will tell me that when I am talking to him one on one, but he still goes to school and gets notes home in his behavior folder everyday. It's not big things that gets in trouble for in school, but I'm afraid that the little things are going to turn into  something big when he gets older. We have tried the reward chart and we give him a sticker each time he comes home with a happy face and when he does his chores, but he never gets a happy face for coming home with a happy  face because he gets a note EVERYDAY!!! I don't know what else to do, we tried spankings, talking, reward charts, and even doing nothing, but he still comes home with notes everyday.

Please Help!! Thanks.

[knd123]

I have a 5 year old and is currently staying with my friend that has a 1 year old, well my son has been getting really upset because he has to do chores and the 1 and a half year old does not. I tryed explaining to him that he is older and stonger therefore he has chores and when he was 1 he didnt have chores. Also ther is th confusion of why the baby wears diapers and cant ride a bike yet he is obviosly confused about the age difference any suggestions please help. Oh one last thing in school the have a chart were when your good you get a butterfly so were trying that except hes gonna be a lion when good and a spider when bad he knows how much mommy does not like spiders so hopefully that will work..... please help thank you

[supermomma531]

It really sounds like all of you have your hands full. But kids need consistence. Consistence is really the key to most children. Having a specific schedule to follow all the time is essential. Have any of you tried reward charts for good behavior? Praise is a really good tool to use as well. When the child is not following direction, then punishment needs to be put into place such as time outs or spending time in their rooms or whatever your method of punishments are. Being consistent is a big deal because it lets the children you are raising know that mom and dad aren't playing around. It helps them to grow up to become responsible adults in the real world. Also it helps if the children have a role model who follows through on their own tasks and sets examples. If you say that you're going to complete you work or chores and you do it, then this shows the children that you are true to your word. Honesty is very important as well. Always spend time speaking with your children about their concerns and issues and respect their feelings about every situation. Help them to learn the responsibility of decision making. Let them make choices of small things such as if they are gong to sweep the floor or if they are going to wash the dishes, etc. Consequences are a really hard lesson to learn but is important to learn.Help them to learn how to set goals and follow through with them until completion. Start these things right from the beginning of toddler hood because it is a well known fact that children learn the best and the most between the ages of newborn until about the age of 5yrs old. Explore everything. From nature to sports to whatever crosses your path. Make everyday an experience learning day! Have fun doing these things.
If you think that there is something wrong with your child, then take them to get doctor care, don't stop at one opinion. Keep going until you are satisfied with an answer. Learn to stand up for the rights of your children, yourself ,and your whole entire family. If you don't, who will? Be healthy and be happy!! I hope this helps at least one of you out there to get things put into place for you and your children. Good luck!!

[jeffsmommy]

My 5 year old has some of the same issues.  The listening the first time is such a challenge.  Any ideas will help.

[SunnyKids]

My son will be 6 in October. He is a smart kid and can finish up his seat work (especially math) very fast if he wants to (when we bribe him with something). He is very polite with others, makes friends easily etc., otherwise, He makes all excuses like can I get some water or I need to use the bath room, purposefully breaks the pencil lead by pressing hard on the book to sharpen it again etc., as soon as he finishes one question on the sheet.
We feel he is a little impatient and wavering minds. For example, he wants a new toy and when he gets it after behaving well for a day..he doesnt play with the toy anymore after 10-15 mins since he had it... He wants another new toy..and starts playing with something else which is not even a toy.
He also has a lot of confusion with numbers 6 and 9 and the letters 'd' and 'b'. The main problem is he does not obey the first time you ask him something. More often than not, he understands what was asked..but doesnt care to respond or act on it, unless we repeat it until he acts on it.We have tried, spanking, time-outs, taking away toys (it works for less than an hour in some cases, but goes back to his normal) but nothing seems to work. He doesnt understand the meaning of "getting late". He probably lacks focus. I sometimes feel like he doesnt want to sleep for more, because he thinks its a waste of time and he'd rather play. He is scared to be all by himself in his room. He already completed Kindergarten at a private school and couldn't pass the acceleration test to go to the 1st grade (may not be because he doesn't know the answers, but because he didnt hear those questions asked verbally and keep focused during the test.).It doesn't really matter that he couldn't get into first grade but we really need him to at par with other kids of his age.
My questions are
1. How can we get him to listen the first time
2. How can we improve his focus and stop his minds from wavering
3. Improve his language and vocabulary
4. Build his confidence level
5. How can we teach him the importance of timeliness and settimg goals

I am not sure If I am being hard on the kid..How do you know what to expect from any average 5-6 year old?

Thanks in advance for your patience reading through.

[Natta1980]

I would only note that while most of young two's can follow directions - there are some who do not...There also could be developmental issues involved...Or some children are more prone to tune teachers/parents out due to personality/neurological wiring concerns....

[babygirl6152]

right Nanna- he should be able to follow directions easily- I work with young two's and they all come when asked- maybe a tiny bit slow but they respond. My youngest is now even saying 'yes maam' to the teachers- at her mother's request- or at least says OK

the only other thing is having him repeat to teacher what she just requested- she will ask- "What did I say?"- he will echo what she said- if he doesn't get after it- he is choosing to disobey- so that sort of is being rude. I had only two rules for my sons-

1   Obey those in authority. If you have a question- ask respectfully "Mrs. Jones Could I wait til I finish my book to put it away- I'm almost finished?"
2   Respect others and self.

[Natta1980]

Sounds like he is a great little guy:)


Limit reminders to two verbal, and then go prompt him to comply. Ask teachers to do the same thing. Do not use threats, just follow through EVERY time. Example - my son follows my direction with little or no reminders, while my husband can ask him 15-20 times, and he still does not comply. Reason is because my husband keeps asking instead of meaning business.

See if it works:)