5 and 1/2 year old problems with going to sleep

[Justamum]

Hi, this is fairly new to me and I am to the point of desperation in getting some help.  I have 2 daughters a nearly 3 year old (A) and a 5 and 1/2 year (M). M is quite a demanding girl.  She is lovable and helpful but can be a handful at the same time. She demands a lot of attention especially since A was born which we understand. I spend a lot of time with her doing craft, homework etc She started Kindy this year and is coping very well at school. She does dancing and swimming after school and enjoys them. She loves playing with her sister but is quite bossy and sometimes can hurt her.  We have had a problem with her going to sleep for a long time. Ever since her sister was born it started.  She would be up for ages and would keep coming out of her room. We resorted to closing her door and she would scream and yell the house down. Finally this worked after a week and she calmed down, this was when she was around 2 1/2. Now being 5 1/2 it is almost haunting me again for my actions. We have a routine in place and do the same thing every night and I do it with both but it does not work. We spend about an hour after the routine screaming and yelling for her to go to bed. I have tried so many different things from being extra nice, to letting her stay up and watch a movie, music, reading books etc.  I would have thought with all the extra after school activities this would make her tired but it doesn't.  It is starting to affect my husband and also me as we don’t' get to spend a lot of time together. Both of the girls seem to have a problem getting to sleep. I am finding that A is starting to get some of the characteristics, as she wants me to stay with her also. I am really looking for some help in some other techniques or suggestions on what I am doing wrong or anything. I know this is a difficult age but I don't want this to affect them later on if it hasn't already.

[margypops]

Have you the same routine for both girls as the older one may still have issues of jealousy, which it sounds as if she had at 2 year old when your other daughter was born,she may see the younger child getting more attention .so I am asking do you do the same thing with your 3 year old when you put her to bed.Do they slep in the same room? What time does the older one go to bed and is it the same time the younger one does. how about you focus on her positive side and praise her when she does something good , it could be that the focus is on her negative behavior, is feeding it.How about one to one time and get Dad involved with Games and things just for her.

[Natta1980]

Looks like your daughter fell into a behaviour pattern.

had the same problem with my 4 y.o, except he does not fall asleep by himself - we always read to him until he falls asleep (usually 20 minutes) - I love reading to him and hearing him to start that little snoring thing:)

For a while he would throw a horrible tantrum and kept getting out of bed, even with me reading to him

Make a visual schedule - with pictures of steps or routine - for us it worked as a charm from the first time we tried it. Pics can be photos, in our case they were pretty bad drawings by dad....DId not matter :) Every time he is trying to get out - we would take him to that schedule and point at the picture of him in bed.....We also had a set routine....But that extra visual was necessary...You could also try timers to set exact time for every step of your routine. Another thing - avoid "letting her stay up with movies and music" after you stated that it is a bed time - if you say it is a bed time and then change it - there is no consistency. If you see that she is not tired - go ahead and push bedtime bac a little bit. I always ask daycare providers whether he napped; if he took a long nap I push the bedtima back an hour....This way routine is shorter and there is less of a battle

And lastly, contrary to popular beleif, physical activities 4 hours and less before bedtime can make it harder for children to go to sleep.


Good luck and let me know how it goes

[Justamum]

Hi there, thanks for your comments. Yes to answer your questions, I have the same routine for both girls and they have separate bedrooms which are next door to each other. Most nights I am to get them to be by 8pm. Depends on how we are tracking. If the 3 year old has had a day sleep, this can be a problem as she won't go down to at least 9-9.30 so I still do the routine with both and then if need be will take the 3 year old down stairs to not interupt the older one. But I have to be careful because M will then come down and ask why she is up. Sometimes I stay in A's room and try and keep her quiet until M goes to sleep. We try and get Dad involved and he will always give a good night kiss and may read a book but he is studying at the moment so a bit difficult sometimes.  I think I will try the positive techniques because I do think I put her down a bit with her negative behaviour and see how we go.

[Justamum]

Hi there,
Thank you also for your comments.  We tried to write up a routine and hang it on the wall but it was only in black and white and I did have pictures. Not that fancy but maybe if I brightened it up a bit and put a bit more focus on it, it might work. Will give it a go. I have often thought about the stop watch thing but not done anything with it. Will try and get a clock or something to put in her bed and get her to do it. Will also give it a go.
Lets see how we go with all your great comments and will let you know what happens.Thanks again...