5 year old acting out

[SuperMom6183]

I am at a loss on what to do with my 5 year old. He has always been the social outgoing one/ class clown. He loves to make people laugh and usually marches to the beat of his own drum (but in a good way) He started Kindergarten this year and things have changed. He is talking back more, lying alot (usually pretty obviouse) and we have already had 2 calls from the school because he is throwing tempertantrums in the middle of class and is uncontrolable.

He has an older brother but they are only 15 mos. apart and share everything; thier room, thier toys, thier TV time, EVERYTHING. I am racking my brain on how to punish my 5 year old for this behavior he is doing at school whithout taking something away or punishing his older brother in the process. His brother, for the first time, came home with an amazingly good week-end report so as a reward to him we were going to let him have a friend stay the night. Now that the 5 year old has gotten in trouble I am afraid this will be taken away from his brother because, again, they share a room. What is fair to both of them?

We do time outs at home and when he goes through his tantrums/flodding periods i send him into his room untill he calms down. We then talk about why his behavior is unacceptable.

Any suggestions?

[specialmom]

I think writing a letter would be a great idea.  And if things continue-------- it might be worth a day or half day off to observe.  Sometimes you'll see something that surprises you.  

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[SuperMom6183]

Thank you, this advice actually helps alot because it is a persfective i didn't see. Unfortunately I am not able to volunteer at his school as I work full time. What do you think about writing a letter to his teacher asking questions like What usually starts the tantrums and what suggestions she has to help with the situation.
I agree with the idea that I shouldn't punish him for something he did hours earlier, maybe that is why I couldn't make a decision on what to do.

Thank you for all of your help.

[specialmom]

Hi, I just wanted to reiterate that kindergarten is really tiring to some kids and a big adjustment to  most of them.  Punishing for school issues after the fact really can be salt in the wound.  Most kids at school do not WANT to throw a temper tantrum.  There is something underneath it that is making him lose control this way.  I'd focus on figuring "that" out vs. how to punish it out of him.  Could you volunteer in the class and see for yourself?  What does the teacher say preceeds the melt down?  This is important because it could be what you need to adjust to help him be happier in school.  

Some kids are frankly doing the best they can in a new enviroment and helping them cope and be more comfortable there seems to make more sense to me than punishing them for it.  

I wish you a lot of luck.  Kids are a journey that can be quite bumpy.  

Good luck

[Sandman2]

  Hi supermom, its late and I am going to take the short way out here and will get back to you later.  Look at my post to  rgcoasty - http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/6year-old-school--lying--and-respecting-woman-issues/show/1357107
   It says it all.  Basically you don't discipline a 5 year old for what they did hours earlier.  It will have no effect what so ever.
     You do have to worry about what is going on.  Kids do lie.  But they do so for a reason.  Why has he started lying?  what his he lying about?  also when is his birthday?  
     Temper tantrums in the middle of the classroom do happen, but if the child has control, they tend to stop due to peer pressure.  How long do his last?  and are they still happening?  Final question is always - did he have the same problems in preschool and how were they dealt with?