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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
5 year old aftraid to lose sight of adult
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
5 year old aftraid to lose sight of adult
by LorKirkman, Apr 13, 2004 12:00AM
My child is 5 years old. (Six in 2 months) As a baby and toddler he was always shy. Starting a preschool at age three for a couple of hours a day really helped. His transistion into kindergarten went smoothly. I am a teacher at the school he attends so that made things easier, I'm sure.
My child has had a wonderful year. No apparent shyness or anything odd.
His problem just started a few weeks ago. One day in the morning I left my classroom to run a few errands. He stayed by himself in my classroom as usual. When I returned, I could tell he had been crying. I asked what was wrong and he said nothing. He tried to hide that he had been crying. When I got him to admit that he had been crying, he said he was afraid I had left and wasn't coming back.
Since that day, things have gotten worse. Several mornings when I was just standing out in the hall, he'd stick his head out to find me. This was happening just at work.
Well, this past week.... it has started happening at home. He wants to be in the same room with me at all times. Or, if I'm cleaning the kitchen and making a lot of noise he can be in the other room. But, if I freeze and get quiet,,, he'll come running to see where I went. One day I said, I'm going to take this bag of trash out and I'll be right back. He was crying when I got back. When we were outside playing on a nice day, he'd rather stay in the garage where I'm cleaning instead of playing in the back yard as he normally would. He'll do the same thing to my husband when he is here with him by himself.
I have tried to talk to him about it. He doesn't open up too much. He is a VERY smart boy and he knows it's not normal and that he shouldn't be doing it... but I guess he can't help it.
Other areas are not affected YET. He still goes to school just fine and church. He doesn't mind separating at those points.
I can only think of one thing that might have triggered the behavior. About a month before, we were separated for a few mins. in Chuckie Cheese. He freaked out! Although a fellow teacher was helping him find me. The behavior did not start right after this and he has never mentioned that few mins. again. But, it's the only odd event I can think of.
I'm just confused.....should I be tough and say this is ridiculous and knock it off. Or should I be consoling and talk him through it. And if I should be talking and reasoning him through it, I'm not sure how or what to say. I have tried both ways a little.
Tonight I decided to search the internet in the wake of my latest frustration......... I couldn't leave him in the bathtub with his brother to play. He will usually stay in the tub for 20 mins. or so. Tonight, he just want to get washed and get out. And I know the reason was because I would be leaving the bathroom.
I am frustrated and want to do the right thing. I sure don't want any of this behavior rubbing off on his three year old brother.
Please help me.
My child has had a wonderful year. No apparent shyness or anything odd.
His problem just started a few weeks ago. One day in the morning I left my classroom to run a few errands. He stayed by himself in my classroom as usual. When I returned, I could tell he had been crying. I asked what was wrong and he said nothing. He tried to hide that he had been crying. When I got him to admit that he had been crying, he said he was afraid I had left and wasn't coming back.
Since that day, things have gotten worse. Several mornings when I was just standing out in the hall, he'd stick his head out to find me. This was happening just at work.
Well, this past week.... it has started happening at home. He wants to be in the same room with me at all times. Or, if I'm cleaning the kitchen and making a lot of noise he can be in the other room. But, if I freeze and get quiet,,, he'll come running to see where I went. One day I said, I'm going to take this bag of trash out and I'll be right back. He was crying when I got back. When we were outside playing on a nice day, he'd rather stay in the garage where I'm cleaning instead of playing in the back yard as he normally would. He'll do the same thing to my husband when he is here with him by himself.
I have tried to talk to him about it. He doesn't open up too much. He is a VERY smart boy and he knows it's not normal and that he shouldn't be doing it... but I guess he can't help it.
Other areas are not affected YET. He still goes to school just fine and church. He doesn't mind separating at those points.
I can only think of one thing that might have triggered the behavior. About a month before, we were separated for a few mins. in Chuckie Cheese. He freaked out! Although a fellow teacher was helping him find me. The behavior did not start right after this and he has never mentioned that few mins. again. But, it's the only odd event I can think of.
I'm just confused.....should I be tough and say this is ridiculous and knock it off. Or should I be consoling and talk him through it. And if I should be talking and reasoning him through it, I'm not sure how or what to say. I have tried both ways a little.
Tonight I decided to search the internet in the wake of my latest frustration......... I couldn't leave him in the bathtub with his brother to play. He will usually stay in the tub for 20 mins. or so. Tonight, he just want to get washed and get out. And I know the reason was because I would be leaving the bathroom.
I am frustrated and want to do the right thing. I sure don't want any of this behavior rubbing off on his three year old brother.
Please help me.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Apr 14, 2004 12:00AM
, Apr 14, 2004 12:00AM
The sensible approach is to be patient, supportive, understanding and casual, without making overly solicitous demonstrations. The fearful reaction will wane after a while. The reaction is understandable in light of the episode at CC's and the episode at school. Don't be alarmed that anything terribly unusual or pathological is occurring. It's a normal reaction in a young child who has been frightened about feeling like he's lost you. Try to maintain your equaninmity - there's no need to allow yourself to be frustrated. If you react in that fashion you'll be conveying to your son that his reaction is not OK, when in fact it is OK. Be patient - it'll be fine.
