5 year old agressive at school

[Natta1980]

Ok - here is a summary

My child (just turned 5), possibly mild PDD-NOS (autism spectrum), or suffering from anxiety had a "functional behavior assesment" done. School beleives that his behavioral difficulties stem from anxiety rather than "autistic" traits. He does zone out a lot, but come another minute - and he will be very much engaged, interacting, smiling, whole nice yards. I am really puzzled by him - I tend to think it is anxiety related. Up to the age of 2.3-3 he did not have any language/anxiety problems. Now he seems to be scared of everything. School he goes to is very structured.

Behavior management plan was put in place to target the following behaviors:

Running away from unpreffered activity, intense tantrums and bad language.

I did not hear any bad language at home (he picked that one from Dad) for about 4 months. Tantrums - happen maybe twice a week, when he is tired/hungry/not feeling well - last about 4 min total, little to no agression. Postive discipline is implemented.

At school, since last August, he had total of 9 tantrums. That make it a tantrum and a half a month (The longest lasted about 45 minutes - he got very scared and anxious and that has triggered a tantrum). Once he was talking about "cutting a teacher" with a plastic knife, but did not attempt it. At home, he uses knife at a meal time, and knows where the knifes are, but he never attempted to do anything similar to this

Are they making too much out of it? I just really think that today, schools overanalyze behavior and get all "concerned", hence more attention to the behavior, hence it worsens.....

His father has an extremely agressive temperament (used to exibit it in front of our little one, too, but that has stopped)
I was extremely anxious as a child, however, was very succesfull in school (school format was very different, very academics-oriented, little stimulation, subtle colors, very few distractions - different country).

My son very rarely has tantrums in stores (I cannot remember last time) - even in toy stores he many times is content "just to look at toys" and accepts "no" with no problem.

But he did develop strange anxieties lately - did not want to go to Aquarium recently (went every year when he was 1,2,and 3 - no problem), scared of people making roaring sounds (I tell my colleagues at work and they wonder why anyone would make roaring sounds), yesterday we were having a dinner outside, and he at some point was staring in the dark, and then requested that we go home (no fear of dark prior to that)...

Just let me know what you think - I just did not feel that 9 tantrums a year for a 4 year old are worthy of getting together a great big meeting with bunch of professionals......

By the way, his daycare (less structure) rarely has any complaints about his behavior and if so, they are very minor.....There was never-ever any talk of canceling his enrolment because of his behavior.

Oh well - I guess I am just venting


Need your input, friends:)

[Natta1980]

Will certainly look into it

I am overacting, of course (all those horror stories with schools pushing into medicating children, and too many children on Ritalin that do not need to be)

Thank you for your input. Of course, there so many other ways to deal with things, meds are the last resort.

[Sandman2]

    Ok, school says they think , " that his behavioral difficulties stem from anxiety rather than "autistic" traits."  Big sigh of relief here.    You agree with them, "But he did develop strange anxieties lately."  And then you jump to everybody wants to medicate him?
   Your school is saying that they see a problem (compared to other kids), and suggesting that you look into it.  There are a ton of ways to do so without medication.  I would talk to your child psychiatrist friend and get some ideas on ways to relieve his anxiety.
   Yes, schools can over analyze, but remember unless they have told every kid in the class that they have anxiety problems - then your son must stand out for a reason.  I would try and figure out why.   Who knows it may be something not related to school that can be corrected.   Good luck

[Natta1980]

I gave him a plastic knife in McDonalds - he started to cut his chicken nuggets with it. I have no idea what they are talking about.

I am just do not like of them saying things like "contact your pediatrician and he may offer solutions to ease the transition to Kindergarten (read medicate your son)". A child psychiatrist I know and trust is pretty sure that medicating small children is only needed in very severe cases (seriously harming himself or others). He stated that long-term effects of medicating small children are unknown. So if a child sleeps/eats/has an occasional tantrum, keep behavior modification, and just give it time. Giving him drugs is denying him a chance to learn to regulate his emotions without prompts.

My "gut" says that he is learning some very high-level self-regulation skills (he knows when tantrum is about to erupt and talks himself "out of it"). I do not want to medicate his "just in case" (he is about to transition to Kindergarten). He goes to school eagerly, and works through his fears.
My gut is also screaming to me that even if medicating him decreases his "agression" (I see nearly no agression at home ), it will "buffer" him from learning mood and impulse regilation skills. I see such an impressive improvement during this last year - not sure that he even needs it.

Thanks for your comment:)


Ah, and we have a dear family member who recently had to go into medical Detox to get of an anxiety drug.

I am sure they've worked with enough children, and he does need help, but not necessarily in a form of meds. He functions well - not perfect, but he likes school and is eager to go there. There is that crazy zero tolerance rule, applies to 5 year-old as well. I fought at school and lashed out at my parents quite a bit, but turned out allright.

It is developmentally appropriate for 5 year -olds to push, shove, and pinch. Now we are making a federal case out of it.

[angelinamarina]

Well, I would go with my gut.
He may have anxiety and he may have other issues.  It is hard to say for sure. I know that the teachers probably only have his best interest at heart.  I read the first few lines of your post nad thought it could have been my posting about our daughter.  She is 5, PDD-NOS, (VERY mild, now moving off of the AS), anxiety, and mood swings.  She threatened to kill a kid at school with a wood chip (sharp) one time when her doc had put her on an antidepressant that flipped her from a mild asd kid with sensory issues to a manic kid.
So, i cannot really give any advice except to say that 9 tantrums in a year does not seem like that big of a deal, but maybe they have enough experience with many children to know when one needs help.