5 year old behavioral issues

[Rose1905]

I have a 5 year old girl. She has what we describe as "meltdowns". It usually occurs when she doesn't get what she wants (something has been taken away), fighting with her brother, etc. It doesn't happen daily and sometimes she goes a long time without an episode. What concerns me is when she gets upset she is shouting, hitting, and most recently spitting. She also hits and scratches herself-- very worrisome. At first I tell her behavior is unacceptable, I ask her to count to ten. If she doesn't respond and is still abusive then I tell her she will receive a spank. She is completely unfazed by spanks. We try to hold her and it just makes her angrier, she tells us she hates us. When we put her in her room she pounds on the door (my husband finds this completely unacceptable) and sometimes damages her toys. Gradually she seems to come out of it with some coaxing. What can we do?  

[fearfulpatient]

Five-year-old with a temper?...What I wouldn't trade for your problem.  First, keep something on hand for the headache she will give you.  It sounds like she is frustrated.  Either from a lack of ability to communicate or a lack of power.  I would try a time out including physical restraint, telling her she is loved, and try to communicate with her to find the cause of her frustration. I have found through experience that spankings do not cure a frustrated child.

[margypops]

Perhaps you could address what is at the bottom of her acting out, you say she fights with her brother is he older or younger than her?She screams when something is' taken away"what is happening prior to that,could she be feeling left out , try not to feed into any negative situations , spanking usualy make the situation worse,it makes them feel out of control. It is possible that you all could use some counseling to deal with the situation, one thought ,Her Dad is upset, so I guess he yells aswell,  but what is his involvment here does he play games with her , outside sports and activities, one to one time .Focus on her positive side and praise her when she does something good.

[Natta1980]

Try to ignore it....Well...not the child  - behavior only. Make sure she is safe (remove things she can throw in her room, etc). Do not hold her/speak to her, it will only make her angrier. Avoid any kind of emotional reaction/yelling. My son's behavior stops as he does not get a responce. I stay even, firm, and mellow (oh it is sooo hard). On days where I have meetings with our tantrum-y VP at work - my son tends to act out more - I've bet I give him a little bit more reaction and he feeds off it.......I remember going through similar behaviors myself, only older - the more my parents reacted, the more I screamed. In my case it was a control issue - my parents always knew what was best and I did not have much say even in what I wear, up until I turned 15 and entered vocational school in another city. I have a good relationship with my folks, though:)

Do not ignore, just do not react! Still put her in time-out, but limit conversations/your presence.......
I have to warn you - it will get worse (for about 2 weeks, but then it will get better). And it is always good to talk about behavior afterwards - my little one is usually able to walk through the entire behavioral sequence and identify the cause, and what he was doing....And I usually ask him - did it help you to get what you wanted? No, it did not. Screaming is not fun - let's think of ways not to scream next time (here goes anger management technique). For him, it is most helpful not to fear a consequence, but to understand how pointless behavior is.

Good luck by all means

[lilhappy1]

I have a friend with a son who is now almost 7 and acted like your daughter when he was 4 and 5, but he would also cus out the person he was mad at.  It also only happened when he was set off by something.  He was kicked out of 3 daycares by the time he turned 5.  She STILL has done nothing in the way of taking him to a Dr for an evaluation and he has only gotten worse.  He was suspended from school 3 times last year in Kinder, and has already been suspended this year in 1st grade twice and is now beating up on a special ed kid on a regular basis and punched a deaf kid last week.  So if I were you I would get your daughter into a Dr before her behavior elevates anymore and find out what the problem is.  I hope you can find a solution soon!

[babygirl6152]

Five years old is too old to act like this- Either the spankings do not phase her and there is no sting to it or there is a huge control issue between a CHILD and ADULTS- and when her adrenalin gets this high she can't control herself any longer.....
and yes, it is completely unacceptable.

There are lots of other things to try.

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