5 year old boys behaviour

[vharvey]

my 5 year old boy who is very smart for his age has got some behaviour problems that concerns me.

His eye contact is not good. He finds it hard to sit still while eating dinner unless he is listening to a story on tape or radio which means his table maners are not good. He shouts rather than talking in a normal voice When something is not right , upsets him  or he does not get his own way he gets so mad which often results in him lashing out, hitting, scratching, kicking and recently slapping me in the face, yes I felt like hitting him right back but in the casses when he does hit I talk to him saying it's not nice etc . I do discipline him but he could not give a damm and does not feel sorry for what he has done. He also gets excited very easily and flaps his arms like mad.

I would be grateful on some advice if there may be an under lying problem and the best way to deal with his behaviour. What kind of things would help him.

[practicalindulgence]

I think that you should look into your son possibly having a form of autism.  My son is high functioning with Asperger's Syndrome but when he was about your son's age, I went thru very much the same issues! Has nothing to do with a "learned behavior" but instead his way of communicating.  One of the worst things that we had to deal with when our son was younger was that he would have trouble starting a conversation and would push, kick or hit someone to get their attention.  He would get their attention but not the way that he was looking for it.  Also another suggestion is drawing pictures while your son is watching.  It will help him process what is expected of him.  If you want him to come to the table and sit down to eat then draw a picture of him (stick figure will do) of him sitting down and eating like he should. It sounds corny but the picture drawing stuff did actually work for us.  

Best of luck!

[margypops]

My apology if it sounded like I was pointing the finger specifically at you, the are other people around arent there and an older sister, I dont believe I inferred your husband hit you if you re read the Post.Kids also see it on TV and actually very often it is learned behavior, maybe he is just acting out, Perhaps you should visit your Doctor and ask for advice..

[vharvey]

Thanks for your advice.

we do praise him on his good behaviour as he is a very sweet boy,  he gets lots of attention along with his older sister.
   His trantrums are triggered when something does not go his way, when he does not win in a game, when he is told not to do something

I do take offence in your assuming that someone hits him or my husband  hits me.  
Do you really think I would of asked for advice if that was the case.

[margypops]

A lot of kids dont sit still at dinner ,is that important to you as long as he eats he could fidget couldnt he, has he ever had his hearing tested if he shouts maybe get your Doc to give you some input on that,what triggers off the Tantrum where he is hitting and does someone do that to him , its often learned behavior.Try cutting him some slack on the small stuff, praise him when he does something Good, If theres a Dad there get him to be involved, some guy things ,Ball and Games how about reading, Radio and Music is good.  Have some fun with him, If he flaps his arms hes expressing something to you,Tune in to him, and Relax you may have fun and enjoy it.