5-year old child ODD and ADHD

my little brother has ADHD and ODD. he is 5 and keeps getting sent home from school for fighting. My mom is single, but her ex, no the father of this child, is still in the house and causing stress and since the child thinks this man is his dad, and is recieving no attention, the child is hurt by this, naturally.  All the drama in the house is upsetting him so much that the child, who had previously started to calm down alittle, is now acting even worse than before. my mom is at her wits end, and her ex is trying to get her to send the child to a militarty school. i don't think this is a good idea. i beleive she needs to distance herself from all who created unwanted and uneeded stress for the child. but until she does, is there anything you can suggest that would help her cope with him, or help her to help him. he has never been good with other children his own age and he is about two-grade levels above his class. i live too far away to help other than advice, although I would do anything to help my little brother. WE NEED HELP BADLY.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The most important factor in the lives of young children is to have the benefit of a caring, nurturing, attentive home environment, absent serious conflict between parents or any other source of unusual stress. Your description indicates that your brother's home environment is less-than-adequate and is likely contributing to his behavioral problems at school. The very fact that a parent (or parent surrogate) would suggest a 'military school' for a child of five indicates serious lack of judgement and perspective. If your brother indeed displays ADHD, then treating the condition might be of some help but will likely not make much of a difference in his aggressive behavior. He requires a systematic plan of behavior management in the context of a stable, secure home environment.