5 year old has accidents in pre-school...help!!!

My 5 year old daughter has just started using the potty at home on a regular basis.  I have been trying to potty train her since she was 3.  I even took the diapers away a few times and each time she held her urine and bm until we had to bring her to the emergency room because she was doubled over in pain and had become constipated.  At the hopital this poor kid had to go through a catheter placed inside for a urine sample and an anal examination.  Both times this was such a tramatic experience and she cried and begged for her diapers back and I caved in and gave them to her.  On her 5th birthday in Febraury I took the pull-ups and diapers away and started her on mineral oil immediately and up until 3 weeks ago she just went in her pants.  Now she uses the potty at home for both urine and bm BUT tries to hold it all day in school.  She has a pee-pee accident everyday in pre-school.  She even goes as far as not eating her lunch or drinking any fluids while she is there so she won't have to go.  She has been in pre-school only 5 months and has NEVER used their bathroom.  The teacher is now telling me that they will not allow her to go into kindergarten because of the health issue surrounding urinating in her pants.  I don't know what to do...is this normal??????  I'm afraid it's not.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Lisa,

No, this is not normal, and requires some intervention. It would help to have your daughter sit on the toilet at school at intervals, regardless of whether or not she says she needs to use the bathroom. Also, it might be useful for you to go in early and help her to become more comfortable with the bathroom at school, so she's not avoiding it. You can also implement a simple reward system, whereby you will give her some treat or other reward each time she uses the toilet at school.

Once you take away the pull-ups, don't retreat from this position. If you do you will only reinforce the behavior you want to extinguish.

[Kyle's Mom]

Have you asked her why she does this?  What is she afraid of?  You can talk to her in a calm and loving manner and help her overcome whatever is bothering her.  It is a shame the teacher is not more compassionate too.  Something as simple as going to the bathroom should not be a traumatic experience.

Does it hurt when she urinates or defecates?  I know when I was little I used to have UTIs all the time and I hated to go to the bathroom.  My 5 yr old has very hard stools and it hurts him to defecate.  So I started giving him oat bran tablets to help with fiber and now his stools are soft and he no longer dreads going to the bathroom.