5 year old having BMs in his underwear......HELP!!!

[stefanie]

I am extremely frustrated so please bear with me.
My son just turned five a few weeks ago and until now, while he has always been extremely active and social, We have had very minor difficulties with him. My husband, who serves in the USAF is currently on a short overseas assignment. So I am now left to be mommy and daddy.For the past week or so, my son has been pooping in his underwear, and it's making me crazy!!! I have been making him go to the bathroom every hour to try to remedy this, but to no avail. He still does it when he is engaged in an activity, and he won't get up to go unless I make him go.I feel as though I should mention he is also a bedwetter, but fom the many things I have read, and according to his pediatrician he will outgrow it, so I don't worry about that anymore since he only does it at night in his sleep. I waited until he was three and a half to potty train, and he was very receptive to it. He enjoyed  having "big boy" underwear "just like daddy". Could this be medical, or is he just acting out in his father's absence?
I am so sick up cleaning up a poopy kid!!! Nasty!!!! Please help.
Any advice is welcome.

Thank you in advance,
Stefanie

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Stefanie,

Since your son was doing fine prior to your husband's departure, and the regression around potty use coincided with your son's separation from his father, it's pretty clear that the separation is upsetting to him. Talk with him a bit about this; see what he's thinking about it.

Also, try to maintain your patience with him. If you are emotionally upset about his encopresis, this will only exacerbate the problem. Implement an incentive program, whereby you will reward your son when he remains clean. Use a simple sticker chart, divide the day into several segments, and place a sticker on the chart for every segment he remains clean. Then, reward him with a modest treat each time he earns the sticker. In addition, give him a sticker when he uses the potty for his bowel movements. For a while, schedule him to sit on the potty periodically, particularly according to the 'schedule' on which he normally has a bowel movement. Sometimes children are pretty predictable around this.

From the medical standpoint, be sure he's not constipated and that the encopresis is not resulting from impacted stool. He'll need a visit to the pediatrician to assess this.

If your husband's absence is placing stress on you, and you're in any way out of sorts, this could have a direct bearing on your son. If you are experiencing such stress, try to help yourself (talk with a friend, engage in regular physical exercise, be sure you're getting good nutrition and proper rest, etc.).

[Gina]

I,too have a child that has accidents. My child will be 8 years old tomorrow and it is very embarrassing especially when at times he can quit for several weeeks. When he was about 6 he stopped for a complete 3 months only to start back. The worst thing to do is make a big deal out of it in case it is an attention seeking device. Have you sought medical help to see if there is a medical reason, an obstruction or anything? If so have you thought that maybe he holds it in too long and when he does it hurts to come out and so he holds it in until it is compacted and what comes out actually is what can be squeezed out around the impaction.

[JENNY]

I feel so bad for you. The only advice that I can give you, and it has worked before, is you have him clean himself up, at five years old most children can deposit the poo in the toilet, and do a pretty good job at taking a bath on their own with minamal help. that might make him want to do it the easy way.
I would take him to the doctor if it don't stop there is a small chance something might be wrong. I doubt it very much,
It's more than likley speration anxity of some kind. five year old boys have a strong bond with their fathers. however there is no reason for you to clean him up if he is able to do it on his own.it just makes it easer for him.

Good luck, and god bless