5 year old odd behaviour

[amaralorelei]

Not sure what to make of this so here it is.

My 5 year old son has had anger issues since he was 3. I have tried talking with him, breathing techniques, making a quiet safe place for him to cool down in, but none seem to work. He gets very anxious when things don't follow his schedule which leads to his eczema flaring up ( due to the anxiety ) and this causes him to scratch. If I deviate from his routine there is generally a 60% chance he will have a meltdown.

His meltdowns consist of crying, saying he doesn't like me, he won't play with me any more, he will run off to another room and scratch himself non stop sometimes if they're really bad he screams and hits along with all the before mentioned actions.

His other odd behaviours include:

Very very picky eater
Trains can only go around track clockwise
Stackable toys can only be stacked the way he chooses. To try and alter how he has them stacked leads to him getting upset
He constantly lines things up or fixes things on shelves in stores
If you show home something new one way that's the way it has to be. To show an alternate way seems to frustrate/anger him
Sometimes speaks oddly. Will babble on in gibberish ( says bleh bleh bleh repeatedly) for a minute or so then go back to speaking normally.
Constantly corrects you on your word choice or method of doing things
If he puts toys in a certain order and you alter it, he immediately puts them back in that order

With all this I should also add that my son is like the energizer bunny. He goes from 630 am until 730pm some days he wakes up at 5am and will go until 7. I always joke that he was born with sugar in his veins instead of blood. Due to his many allergies he doesn't eat much junk food at all. He would rather eat grapes or a banana over candy. Trying to get him to sit still most days is like trying to get my cat to voluntarily take a bath. No chance of that happening. He is easily distracted and when he does concentrate everything else seems to be tuned out. You could yell his name and he won't respond.

He has an amazing memory ( can remember where we parked at his dermatologists 6 months ago, where a toy is he hasn't played with for months, etc ), when he does like something, a toy or show, he doesn't just like it he Loves it. He will be obsessed with it for a year or more. He has a very vivid imagination and some days will play for hours chasing imaginary angry birds or Mario characters around while he drives an imaginary ambulance or fire truck.

My parents say he has adhd, ocd, and just doesn't listen but they don't see his good days where we have no problems and all goes well. I am trying my darndest to avoid having him medicated as I do think he will grow out of it.

I have tried time outs which do not work, taking toys away is hit and miss. Sometimes taking the toy will lead to a 1hr plus meltdown of screaming, hitting, crying to the point where he makes himself sick, other times its a 1 he melt down and then he gets distracted by something else.

Not sure if its all something he will grow out f or not.

[amaralorelei]

I've been reading up on the sensory processing disorder and a lot of it matches my son. He can only wear all cotton as other material makes him itch, his skin is very sensitive to water temp ( room temp is sometimes too hot). He can't stand vacuums , lawn mowers, hand dryers, large groups of people talking or kids screaming. The picky eating, now that I think about it most of the food he eats has a smooth texture. He is very anxious when I'm not around, hasn't slept through a night in 5 years due to eczema and even when he's not flared up he always scratches. Tags or seams in clothing makes him itchy, and he's told me he feels like he has sand on his skin.

Any tips on how to help him in the mean time while I wait for a drs apt

Thanks

[specialmom]

Please please google sensory processing disorder.  Just take a look and see what you think.  

Time outs never really worked for me.  I tried for a good period of time and it was effective.  I had better luck at taking away a loved item instead.  Now that my son is 9, when he starts to have a meltdown (he's got sensory integration or processing disorder)--  he is asked to go to his room to cool down.  He goes and comes out when he is calm again.  Different than a time out-----  a cool down spot is very helpful for a child with volatile behavior.  good luck

[amaralorelei]

I have been trying time outs for 2 years now. I know there is no immediate success with them, but they seem to just make him angrier each time and in some cases more violent. I set a timer that he can see and he knows that when it beeps he can get out of the chair but they still don't work. I've been reading the book the explosive child, and raising your strong willed child which have had some helpful strategies to lessen his violent side.

I will def talk to his Dr though. My 2 year old nephew was just diagnosed as autistic ( waiting to see to what degree ) I know anxiety, adhd, and depression run on the fathers side so will see

Thanks all for the input :-)

[specialmom]

I too read some things that could be related to autism.  Some of my sons early symptoms overlapped with autsitc symptoms as well.  (lining things up, etc.).  I would talk to your pediatrian about it, consider an occupational therapy evaluation (as many kids who attend OT are autistic, they are also good at identifying this as well) or see a developmental pediatrician.  Lots of luck dear

[Sandman2]

  I really agree with Annie and Specialmom.  I am also the CL on the ADHD forum and am not as worried about that as some other possibilities.   I also see symptoms of Autism.  Thus, I highly recommend finding a good psyc for help.  But whatever, it is, you need to find out as soon as possible so that he can start getting help he needs.   The sooner the better (and I am NOT talking meds here).  Also how you work on behavioral modification with a child depends on what is going on with them.  You need to find out what is going on with him so that you can more effectively work with him.  As you have found out, some of the things you are doing have not been working out an I'm not too surprised.
   Also please realize that timeouts can work, if done correctly.  You are expecting immediate success and it doesn't work that way.  It takes a lot of very consistent, immediate, short behavior reinforcement.
   I have got a few other ideas on working with him that may prove helpful which I will post later on.  Best wishes.

[specialmom]

100% agree with Anniebrooke.  On several levels.  First, parents or neighbors or well meaning friends should not throw out a diagnosis.  They are not equipped to clinically diagnose a child and it is unfortunate when they insist they know what is wrong.  I wouldn't put much weight or credit to that as they are probably not trained to understand developmental issues with children.

I also agree with anniebrooke to look into sensory integration disorder.  It is often confused for adhd. Anxiety often goes hand in hand wtih sensory as well and being extremely inflexible is ofen a coping mechanism to sensory issues.  A good web site to look up symptoms is 'SensoryProcessingDisorder' or SPD.  

My oldest son has sensory integration disorder and has many things in common with your son.  The picky eating has to do with textures as well as motor planning and chewing.  He is very particular about where things go --  he has lego sets on display and if something gets moved, he MUST get up to fix it (even if tucked in for the night . . . he's 9).  He likes things a certain way, period.  He likes his routines.  He can have a meltdown on a huge level and it is hard for him to self calm.  He can be constant motion bouncing off the walls.

We had him evaluated by an occupational therapist at 4 and began OT therapy.  it has been so wonderful.  He's come a long way and doing terrific.  LOTS of things you can do at home for him as well.

OCD is something I've looked into for my own son for various reasons and he clearly has anxiety.  But the underlying cause is the sensory.  When we address that, the other things get better.  BUT, in no way would I take the word of a family member or friend on something like that.  I would only believe my son had OCD if a clinical psychologist specializing in children diagnosed him as such which was not the case when we saw one.  So, I would see a psychologist if you do indeed worry about OCD/anxiety.  They teach kids coping mechanisms rather than medicate much of the time.

And sensory doesn't have any medication that words for it.  They treat it with something called 'heavy work' which is deep pressure, muscle work that helps the nervous system work better and behavioral techniques (we even worked on eating strategies with our OT).  My son has never been on medication.  

Let me know if you'd like more info on sensory.  good luck!!

[AnnieBrooke]

I would see about having him looked at for sensory disorder as well as ADHD and OCD.  I would not let your parents do the diagnosis, I would ask your pediatrician for a recommendation.  There is no automatic link between a diagnosis and instantly putting the child on medication, please don't let that be your sticking point.  Particularly with sensory issues, the way they are handled is very specific behavioral stuff.  

[KaylaMarie25]

It does sound like ADHD and OCD. The OCD part is him arranging things and putting things "in order." The only way to be sure is to have him tested. I also have a minor OCD and ADHD and I'm 23. I get very easily distracted. All of my books, movies, etc have to be in alphabetical order and by genre or else I get frustrated. The "putting things in order" isn't so much a bad thing, my mom thought it was an organized thing I went through. But like I said, the best and pretty much only way is to get him tested and if his tests come back positive, ask what your options are as far as treatments go. Though, I don't believe there is medication for OCD (I don't take anything for it, I just live with it and was diagnosed when I was 13 years old.)