5 year old tantrums

[Sharon51]

Hi, my son is nearly six and has had it tough as un be knowns to me he was suffering with neck and cranial problems. His speech was delayed and he had major frustrations. Fortunately for himcranial sacral treatment proved amazing for him and his speech and then behaviour improved dramaitcally. He is now in Yr 1 at a normal school. His father and I seperated when he was 6 months old and I am married now and very happy. He goes to his dads every other weekend. Over the summer holidays we took him on holiday for 2 weeks ato crete nd he had an amazing time with my husbands older teenage children. Rebecca 14 and Michael 17. He was getiing spolit and got used to getting ice creams by having a tantrum, we were on holiday and I have to admit gave in. He then went on holiday with his dad and granmother   for a week and then his aunt and dads girlfriend and son (age2 ) joined them for a week to Cornwall.

I did say to his granmother that he was misbehaving on holiday , as a sort of warning. I had a phone call 4 days into the holiday saying that he was behaving terribly. I told his dad to reward good behaviour and punish poor behaviour. Into there second week on holiday they phoned and said that he was deeply disturbed and that when asked why he was so angry by his dad he replied that  my husbands son michael age 17 had pulled down his pants and licked his will, Obviously they were shocked and phoned me.. I picked him up from theres and  asked if it was true that Michael had done this ' he said no' I asked him why he said this and he said Daddy had told him to say it. Upon further investigation he then confessed that he made it up and not daddy. Asked why he said it he said he didn't know why.

Also when I picked him up he said he only wanted to go on holiday with them for 1 day and 1 night and that was too long. He made me promise to never let him go on holiday again without me. Asked if he missed his gran the answer is no, and the same for his aunt. He only misses his dad and his brother (age 2)

Since having him home, and going back to basic parenting, he has stopped lashing out and I have 1 tantrum every 3 days at the moment, I am not expecting perfection. However, given what i believe to have been to many adults , all with different views on how to deal with poor behaviour etc I have stoped weekend overnight stays but allowed day access for everyone. However, his aunt and gran feel my soon is disturbed and needs to see someone, especially over the comments he made, they still possble think it happend. It has got very tricky and now through their constant leters, phone calls and texts, have barred them from seeing him at all, given that I feel they are all abit unstable themselves and are possibly one of the major factors in this situation. His father agrees that his mum and sister are over emotional and make things diificult for him with ethan, he prefers to have ethan on his own without their interference.

I believe that they are goiung to get the social services involved or police or somebody. I am so angry  and so tired of them harrassing me over these issues.  Im am not dealing with them in a calm manner as I don't repsect them, I feel they both have deep emotional problams and are looking for deeper darker reasons as to his behaviour. I think my son who has bever been apart from me for 2 weeks before missed me and all the things he got in Creete which they just couldn't provide as they have little money. One holiday leading onto another , I belive he was well on his wasy to naughtly behaviour and them trying  to negotiate with him during his tamtrums, just made him lash out at them.

I think he knew what he was saying was bad, but obviosly had no idea of the implications if it but that it was a cry for help to get home. He had backed himself into a corner with his really extreme behaviour and he gave a reason for it.

What do you think ,can children say such things to get a reaction?


This discussion is related to Tantrums and aggression in a 5 year old.

[margypops]

What a situation to be in I feel so sorry you have all this to go through, it does seem as if you are getting too much input from everyone, and it is only yours and his dads  buisness,as to the outcome and what you decide to do, .I have reread your Post and the whole thing is a muddle and really you need to have a serious discussion with his Dad on how to handle it, does he feel that the 17year old could have done this,as he is his son also, that adds to the difficulty. Perhaps you will have to ask a seperate person ,a counsillor for advice  ,and someone to speak to your son ,he is probably very afraid to say anything much, only you can sort it out.Definatly get help from a proffesional