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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
5 year old with sleep problem
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
5 year old with sleep problem
by GJ__0, Feb 18, 1999 12:00AM
Help! I know I brought this on myself, but how do I correct it? I've allowed my daughter to sleep with me for the past year. She now turns 5, and I want her to start sleeping in her own room. How do I go about conditioning her to do this? She steadfast refuses to stay in her room, and I end up giving in.
Doctor's Answer
by HVM Ph.D. - KDK, Feb 18, 1999 12:00AM
_
Dear GJ,
Your recognition that you have brought the problem on yourself means the solution is right around the corner. This is one of those instances (and there are many in the arena of parent/child interactions) when change in your behavior will bring about change in your child. Each time you allow her to sleep with you, you reinforce that behavior - i.e., you reward her for persisting. You must "bite the bullet" by insisting that your daughter sleep in her own bed and sticking with your plan, even in the face of her resistance. And you can bet she'll resist - after all, she's been rewarded for doing so; it has gotten her what she has wanted. In addition to setting the expectation in a calm, direct and authoritative (not authoritarian) manner, and persisting by escorting your daughter back to her bed when she comes out, you can add an incentive system to the plan. Such a behavioral plan calls for rewarding your daughter each time she succeeds in remaining in her own bed (and you can see to it that she "succeeds" by making sure it happens). Make a simple chart, on which you will place a sticker for each night your daughter remains in her own bed. In the morning, as soon as she gets up, give her whatever reward has been decided on. Be careful not to indulge her by agreeing to rewards that are too 'big'. Five-year-olds usually enjoy selecting from a collection of party favor-type toys that you can purchase at low cost, for example.
A variation on the approach calls for weaning your daughter from the 'need' to be with you - you can see an example of such a plan in Dr. EV's response to jb on Feb. 18. Whatever plan you select, remember that the key to success is changing your own behavior.
Successful bedtimes also involve a regular bedtime routine, and hopefully you already have one. Be sure to identify the pre-bedtime tasks (e.g., washing, dressing, brushing teeth) that need to be accomplished by a certain time, at which your daughter is expected to be in her bed. Reading a story can precede getting into bed, or it can occur once your daughter is in her bed. Before 'lights out', a quiet period (e.g., fifteen minutes) is helpful in allowing children to settle down and separate from people and activity. During this 'quiet time', your daughter should remain on her bed, engaged in reading or gentle (not vigorous) play. Using a night light and leaving the bedroom door partially open help youngsters to feel safe and relaxed.
Good luck, and persist.
This information is provided for general medical information purposes only. Please consult your physician for diagnostic and treatment options pertaining to your particular situation/condition.
*Keyword: sleep problems, bedtime
