5 year olds sexual curiosity

My daughter has recently started talking a lot about boys and how cute they are.  At first I just kind of chalked it up to it being just a stage.  Well yesterday she told her father and I that when she sees a boy on tv that is cute that she gets a tickly feeling in her private and wants to kiss him on the mouth.  Both her father and I as well as our pediatrician has discussed good and bad touching with her so I dont feel anything out of the ordinary has happened to her.  I know when she visits her aunts and cousins that they sometimes watch soap operas and music videos, things that we dont at home.  I was reading some of the comments on the page and do feel somewhat better that the feelings she is having other children her age seem to have expressed as well.  We are a loving Christian family that spends plenty of time together so I know she is not being neglected in any way.  How should I address this? So far I have been letting her know that its ok to share her feelings with me.  And that when she has thoughts that she thinks are bad to try to change them and think on good things.  She says the stuff just pops into her head. Any suggestions?

[Bree741]

Thanks for your words of encouragement.  I have been watching her since the onslaught of all this.  Being the baby in both my husband and my family she does hear a lot of things from the older ones--I have nieces that are 16,13,and 10 and boys is all they talk about.  It does seem to make her feel better when she reveals all these feelings she's having inside to me.  Its heartbreaking to hear and know that there is nothing you can do about it.  I have been praying about it a lot and asking for directions from GOD. We are definitely going to more closely monitor the music she listens to and the shows she watches; it seems sex, kissing,etc is everywhere, even on the Disney channel! I'm trying not to react badly when she tells me things.  It seems her little floodgates are just opening and she's telling me every thought that comes into her mind. Today she said she wishes she had a different self that didnt have all these bad thoughts.  She is afraid GOD and Mom and Dad are going to be mad at her. I heard her asking GOD to forgive her for her bad thoughts. I thought my heart was going to break in half.  For those of you who believe in the power of prayer, send a few up for me

[SL345]

Children are sexual beings. They have sexual thoughts, feelings and urges. This scares adults. We tend to avoid or try to suppress these feelings in our kids. I would suggest the exact opposite of teko. I suggest that you use her expression of thoughts and ideas as a springboard to open a line of communication about it. Thank her for telling you what she was thinking. Tell her that this is something that she and you can talk about. If she told you she was angry and thought of hitting and kicking someone you wouldn't avoid discussing that idea with her. You might explore where she got those ideas or whether or not she's seen something that stimulated those ideas. But, you'd never leave it at that. You'd use it as an opportunity to explore her feelings and encourage her to find prosocial ways to express those feelings. You'd use it as an opportunity to talk about your values. Unfortunately, when we *** the word s-e-x to the equation, we become paralyzed. Talk to her. Read her books on the topic (there are good Christian books for young children). Encourage her to tell you what she hears, sees, thinks and feels. Open up the lines of communication. Encourage her to ask questions. This is a great opportunity. Sorry to be so preachy and I will get off my soapbox now - but I obviously worry that we are giving the wrong messages to our children and closing down lines fo communication about this very important area of humanity.

[Bree741]

I agree with a lot of what you are saying.  My daughter and I have a very good relationship and I plan to keep it that way.  I have just been answering her questions the best I can, keeping my answers age-appropriate and trying not to overreact.  Praying a lot too.  Thanks for the idea about Christian books that address this issue.  This forum has been a blessing to me.  Its nice to know that you are not the only parent facing these issues and that there is a support system out there to help.  Thanks SL345

[SL345]

Bless you for your willingness to be open to deal with this in your child. Not to rattle you too much here, but if you're open to talking to your 5 year old about it because she brought up the topic, what about raising it with your 10 year old who is on the brink of puberty? You're doing great - keep it going.

[Bree741]

A neighboring church is having a weekend seminar this month on abstinence and what GOD wants from our children.  I was planning to attend this with my son.  Both his Father and I have spoken with him about sex (limited) and asked if he has any questions.  He says no and does not seem like he wants to talk about it.  I didn't push the issue but encouraged him and let him know that we are hear to answer any questions he might have.  About a year ago he was on the computer and did a google search and came upon a sexually explicit website.  He got scared and turned off the computer.  The next time I went to use it this popped up.  After speaking with my husband about it and finding out that it wasn't him we talked with our son and realized what happened.  He is much more shy and less outspoken than our 5 y.o. and doesnt want to talk about it.  When he's ready he' ll ask, right?

[SL345]

>When he's ready he' ll ask, right?

No, not necessarily. Many kids don't bring up the topic. And, it doesn't get easier as they get older. It's that you were able to speak to him and that you will be bringing him to a program that deals with this topic. My suggestion is - comment that you sense it's uncomfortable for him to discuss this. Share your honest feeling about talking about it, too. Tell him that even though it's uncomfortable, it's a part of life and something that he needs to know about and that he can discuss with you (his parents). The problem is that when we don't talk to our kids about it, they get the information elsewhere from less reliable sources (usually their friends and the media) and from people who don't care about them or discuss it in the context of our family values.

[Bree741]

Good advice. I'll let you know how the conversation goes.

[SL345]

Please do. Good luck!