5 year temper tantrums

My daugher is very strong willed. She is jealous of her 15 month twins siblings. Every night at bed time she rages and screams, she says that she is scared. She refuses to sleep and leaves her room and bangs on our door. She tries to wake the twins up. Her behavior is great at school and with relatives.  She kick and screams when she wants attention at home.

My husband works long hours. I know that she misses him. We make sure that he sends most of his free time with her on the weekends. When she is alone with a parent she is an angle.

How can I get her to sleep? I really do not believe that she is scared. I think that she is wanting more attention.

Thanks,
Erin

[maoriprincess]

yeah she is wanting more attention...sorry but im not to sure with this one...i can honestly say ive never had this problem with either of my kids...maybe just reading a book to her in bed will help? just some you and her time

[waitingwithhope]

Your daughter's issues have nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with structure. She is feeling insecure and scared about her place in the family and the new changes to the routine. Your twins most likely take up a ton of time (as all babies do, except you have it times two!) and let's face it, twins get a lot of attention just for being twins. You need to then find ways to make her feel special just on her own. So, that means setting aside time during the day and evening that is just for her. Taking her out for dinner (and getting a sitter for the twins), planning special activities that only she can do (such as coloring). Give her a special book to color in, a special blanket to sleep with (that is her own that the twins can't touch) and respect her bedroom space as hers (does she sleep in the same room as the twins?)  She is waking her siblings up because you come running and negative attention in her mind is better than positive attention. Plus, there is power in waking them up. She feels powerless right now so find ways she can be powerful and strong...let her help you put the twins to sleep- let her read them a story at night and praise her for how well she can read the simple words or even how she can tell the twins what is in each picture. And, let her know how much you appreciate her help. Teach her new skills- how to cook, clean. Give her a rewards chart too for the things she does. By gaining more skills and feeling more responsible, she'll feel like she has more control over her environment. And, strong willed is a good thing. It is tiring for a parent, but see it as a bonus. Your child can be a leader. Teach her skills to lead. Strong willed=determined. I love kids like that :)

[waitingwithhope]

oops, I meant to say, negative attention is better than no attention at all....

[waitingwithhope]

(it posted too quick) but what I was trying to say is that when she receives negative attention, in her mind, it is better than getting no attention at all. Get her working for positive attention :) Sorry about the multiple posts..oops!

[specialmom]

There are a few things that impact a child's life significantly and getting a new sibling is one of them.  And two on top of that!  Now those twins are mobile and into things and require even more of your attention. I agree with the above advice that your daughter is going to do what works to be noticed.  Your job is to catch her to doing what you want her to.  Make her your little helper and praise her to high heaven when she does things that pleases you.  As the problems are at home and not elsewhere, this is a home dynamic.  Perhaps you could have someone sit with the twins and you take her out onher own once a week or every other week.  You've got  your hands full---------  good luck to you!

[specialmom]

Also wanted to add that at 5, you can start thinking in terms of natural consequences.  If she throws something, it goes away.  If she has a fit, no matter where you are, you leave.  If she is throwing a fit, you can't understand her and won't talk to her until she is calm.  I will tell my four year old that I can't understand him when he is crying or whining and he stops so I will listen.