5 yr old Sexual Behavior @ school

My husband and I are fostering-to adopt 2 children (siblings- 8 yr old girl, 5 yr old boy) and have been with us almost 3 months now. We were called in last month because the 5 yr old was "Playing" with a little girl at school. There was touching of the girls private, and after talking with our boy, he said that she pulled his hand to her privates... we talked to him about inappropriate behavior and that little boys and girls are curious about their bodies but that no touching should ever happen until adulthood. We thought that he understood it, and it didn't happen again.

Until my son and another boy (same age) managed to get into eachothers pants and touch eachothers privates. We spoke to him once again and the minute the other boy attempted to take my son into the bathroom again he told the teacher.

Weeks passed and the same little girl from the first incident and my son were caught on video touching eachother. It was extremely graphic and the touching went on for over 15 minutes... at which time 2 other boys also engage in the touching. My son told us that the little girl wanted him to "Put his fingers in side & kiss her on her privates". We of course went down to the school and demanded to speak to someone because the school was aware of the first incident.

The following day my son was trying to kiss another boy, the day after that he was groping a little girl in the behind. Because it's so late in the school year, and under the advice of our caseworker we pulled my son from school.

When we talk to my son, he told me that he feels tickles in his privates, and that his pee-pee gets fat. The same way it does when he wakes up. He also mentioned that when he touched the little girl (from the first incident & the video), she would pee on his hand but that the pee was sticky.

We are waiting for a referral from CPS so that he can see a therapist. We found out from the school after nagging them about talking to the parents of the children involved, that the little girl who "Makes him do this" has been sexually abused and has had a problem with sexual behavior since the school year began.

Should I be concerned that he has now learned this behavior and will continue to do it? We've caught him kissing the television when he sees a pretty girl, and I don't punish him for it because I don't feel that it is sexual, but perhaps all this has triggered something from his time in foster care or some other traumatic experience he has not shared with us.

Please help!

[koukla29]

I think you have done the right thing by getting your son into therapy.  In addition, there are several books out there on good touch/bad touch that may help you in explaining appropriate and non appropriate touching in child terms to your son.  Explicit sexual behavior in children is learned, and there are a number of places/ situations that it could be learned from.  I think counseling will help your child and family to better handle this situation.

There is one thing about your story that really bothers me... who the hell would videotape children for 15 mins.. for 2 mins... or for that matter ANY length of time engaging in sexual behavior???  This is called child pornography and is NEVER appropriate.  Did the school do this? Teacher?  Adults should have stopped the children, not stepped back and video taped the incident - that is exploiting the children.  If I were you, this would deeply concern me, and I would be raising hell over this.  Barnbabe, where are you?  I hear the legal bells ringing!!!!

Children are sexual and they learn to enjoy their bodies - this is normal.  However, explicit sexual behavior signifies abuse, and behavior is usually repeated on others.  The little girl has a sexual abuse history and this is a known fact.  Hopefully, her parents have her in therapy, but its not uncommon for her to try to re enact what has been done to her on another child.  Parents should have been notified and behaviors such as those should have been stopped.  The fact that the school was unwilling to talk to the parents is absolutely ridiculous and completely inappropriate.  If this is how they handle touchy isssues and it already the end of the school year, I would suggest enrolling your son in a different school for next school year.  Good luck!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I would definitely find a differant school.  Obviously there is not enough supervision going on.  

HOw long has your son been in your home?  Is there a chance that he was also abused before he came into your loving care.

Counselling should help.  But it is pretty normal for kids to be curious and explore sexual things.  Just make sure to be open and frank and not make him feel he is dirty.

And bravo to you for taking on raising two kids who were in need of a good home.

[Sonialei77]

There is a videotape of the incident because the school has cameras in all of the classrooms. In the event that something occurs, the school has a way of going back on the video footage and having something for documentation purposes.

The teacher claims that she was busy with "Helping some of the girls with their puzzles"... her aide had just gone for lunch and she was alone with all the kids. The classroom has a kitchen play area which is where this took place. I asked her why she - knowing the history of this girl and what had already happened with both my son and her, did she allow them out of her sight.... her explanation was that she was caught off guard and most likely overwhelmed by the children.

That is a poor excuse and I'm waiting to hear from the Tx Board of Education as I feel that this school must be held responsible for the trouble my boy is having now... not to mention all the kindergarteners leaving this school with a problem that shouldve never occured. My son till this day tells me that he hasn't been touched or hadn't touched anyone till now. He keeps recanting the same story "Angel taught me". He has also said that This girl told him her dad (stepfather) showed her, and that she would show him.

I've given CPS permission to interview him but that hasn't happened yet, as I'm sure they're going to investigate her mother first... who by the way brushed this off by saying "Oh yeah, she's going to do this... she's been sexually abused and is attending therapy." as if her child teaching this behavior was acceptable or perhaps not her problem but mine.

The principal did nothing about this all year with her behavior.... one of the janitors caught her masterbatign in the classroom and was moaning so loud everyone down the hall heard. That alone wouldv'e set off my sirens and had someone speaking to the girls mother. But nothing was done... not even when they kept having to sit the girl and tell her that taking her panties off was not acceptable. There has been alot of red flags but no one ever says anything... and now the principal wants me to chill out and work on my son. In the first place if he'd done more than sit there scratching his A$$, we wouldn't be going through none of this.

I'm sorry for venting this way but it just boils my blood to know that someone has managed to fail my son.... in a place where he should feel safe. If Children have problems at home, the second persons they'll turn to are the school teachers, councelors etc. and what is a child to do when those secondary people don't care enough to do something about it.

The teacher admits to having a gut feeling about this girls sexual abuse at home... but again didn't want to stir up trouble and make a report or even take any kind of action and it is our responsibility as adults to make sure that the proper people are notified if we suspect or know of any kind of abuse or neglect of a child.

In my case, they have neglected to protect my son from this... and I know that children will be children but my god... they're pretty much saying to the kids that it's okay for this to go on in the classrooms.