I have 2 boys one is 5 and the other one is 3. I have full custody of my 5 yr old son. My 5 yr olds father was charged with a lesser crime of child abuse, to be specific, domestic abuse on a child. My boys do not have the same father. My 3 yr olds father was awarded full custody of him and since that happend they have been making accusations and making up lies about myself, my family and now my 5 yr old son.
My ex and his mother have made accusations against my 5 yr old son saying he is 'sexually abusing' my 3 yr old when he is in my home. Some of the things they said my 3 yr old told them "specifically" that his brother plays with his penis. They also state that my 3 yr old told them that his brother has sucked on his penis. They have also said that my 3 yr old has been putting his finger in his rectum.
I can tell you that I have never witnessed any of this kind of behavior when my children are together. So my question is, is this a normal behavior for children this age, or is this something I need to be really concerned about? I have talked to many other people who have small children and they have said their children have exhibited similar behavior at this age. Is a 5 yr old child capeable of sexual abuse??
I'm really confused and don't know what to do, both my children will be evaluated for signs of sexual abuse now. I wanted to post this on here to get advice or suggestions from others. Please help me understand this.
I personally don't think that is a normal behavior. Your 2 boyz need help now. Please don't agnore it. I have 2 boyz of myself and If I was hearing all this I would get them help ASAP. I would make doctor appt. and a appt. with a councelor. They are getting this somewhere Kids don't just automatically do this. They are seeing it or watching it on TV. something has to be done now. This is my advise. don't agnor this problem it sounds like your kids need help something is going on.
It is definately not normal for children to be engaging in sex acts with other small children, siblings or not. Its sexual abuse. It sounds like there has been some very unsettling events in the family. These children need help. Please talk to your doctor about whats going on. He or she can help direct you to the help you need. As mom, you need to protect your children, from themselves in this case. Best wishes...
If you don't mind me asking, why was your ex awarded full custody of your 3 y.o.? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to).
You pointed out that your ex and his family make up lies about you, and now your child. What lies have they told about you?
When I read your post, two things came to mind.
1) If you and your ex and his family do not get along and harbor resentment towards one another, and they have in fact told lies about you, then I wouldn't put it past them to manipulate the mind of your 3 y.o. and direct him into saying such things. A 3 y.o. cannot just imagine this stuff--it either has to happen to them, they have to witness it, or it has to be introduced with manipulative interogation (i.e. Did your brother touch you here? You can tell me if he did. How does he touch you? Does he also do this to you?--It can be very easy to lead a 3 y.o. into saying such things and convincing them that it's true). This would explain why you never see this behavior when they're with you.
2) This really is happening, and you're completely unaware of it.
One way or another, I think the only way to get to the bottom of this now is to have evaluations done. If it is in fact happening, then it can be stopped and your children can get help. If it's all made up on the part of your ex, then hopefully something can be done to correct his problem, as it's affecting your family in a very harmful way.
And about the 3 y.o. putting his finger up his anus...oftentimes this is normal exploration for a child. I have a 2.5 y.o. son, and every so often, he does that too. Some kids do it more than others. I would only be concerned if the child was doing it in a very distinctive sexual way or was obsessive about doing it.
First, I had no issues with my ex or his family until I advised them that I was moving back to my hometown, in the same state. After that the lies and accusatins began to fly. We went thru the whole entire court process, custody eval and everything. He was awarded custody because I was not yet settled here in my hometown. Ever since he got full custody they have done nothing but make accusations and lies and try to make up exscuses for me not to be able to see my son.
Second, my kids have NEVER been exposed to anything, pictures tv or vidoe, nothing of the sort that has to do with sexual behavior being portrayed here in my home. My children are in my supervision 24/7. Whether its happend somewhere else, I'm not aware of anything. Like I said before, my 5 yr old was physically abused by his dad, I'm not aware that any sexual abuse took place.
We have gone to court already (last friday) regarding this issue, the judge suggested my 3 yr old be evaluated, however, he was brought to a reputable place recommended by the judge, the evaluator informed my attorney that they would not do the evaluation. Based on the information she was givin, she said it appears that the children are to young to even know what "sexual" is and she believes this is normal child exploration and curiousity. That is coming from a sexual abuse evaluator, someone highly trained in this field.
They did recommend however, that I try and have my 5 yr old evaluated. That is something I'm looking into now.
Oral sex is not normal child exploration. That is something I would be mandated to report. I am surprised a highly trained child advocate who knew this information did not evaluate your children.
This is a very sensitive subject, and I am sure it's not easy to discuss it. I really admire you for trying to do what is right for your children. My advice to you is to have thorough evaluations done for your sons. Someone may be hurting them, and they are acting out. Children who are being sexually abused mimic the bahaviors forced on them onto others - usually younger or same age children. They do not understand what they are doing - it is a learned behavior.
Oral sex..are you serious? This is a 3 and 5 yr old I'm talking about here, not even capeable of knowing what that is let alone what it means. Children don't even know what sex is, they are incapeable of even being sexual. There is a HUGE differance between child exploration and adult sex. How can you even suggest this is oral sex when kids this age aren't even capeable of being sexual yet?
Found this from a specialist website:
Most children are curious about their bodies. They want to know how the parts work, what they look like, what they can do, how they change, what feels good, what doesn't, and how to take care of them. It is important to remember that children's curiosity about their own bodies and their friends' bodies is NOT the same thing as ADULT sexuality. Even calling this kind of mutual genital exploration "sex play" can be misleading.
"My ex and his mother have made accusations against my 5 yr old son saying he is 'sexually abusing' my 3 yr old when he is in my home. Some of the things they said my 3 yr old told them "specifically" that his brother plays with his penis. They also state that my 3 yr old told them that his brother has sucked on his penis."
This is your quote from your original post. If the accusations are true, this is called child on child sexual abuse. I did not make up the laws, nor did I create the definition of what qualifies as sexual abuse. You sound to me like you are in denial.
You don't need to quote child development books to me. I have my graduate degrees in counselor education and mental health counseling and have worked with children for many years. I am a mandated reporter, and know the definition and signs of possible abuse. I don't know your children or your situation, but I gave advice based on your post. It is your decision what you do with the advice.
While it is possible your 5 yr old was abused and is playing that out on his brother, I wouldnt say he is sexually abusing him. Thats not even possible at that age. They are both at an age where they are discovering their bodies and having sexual feelings but they dont understand it yet. I was very sexual by age 5, masturbating and having orgasms. I didnt know what it was until I was almost a teenager, but I was engaging in and enjoying sexual activities, including exploration with other children. I was never sexually abused and wasnt at all troubled by my experiences. I was, however, troubled by my desires once I was old enuf for my parents to talk to me about sex because they taught me I shouldnt be thinking about it and would be committing an awful sin if I engaged in it. Then it got weird for me, cuz I thought something was wrong with me. So I think its important to talk to your children and find out whats going on, but make sure they know sex is natural and its ok for them to be curious, and try to teach them the right context. Good luck!
Do not listen to those who believe this is not a case of sexual abuse. I am 21 years now and I was sexually abused for about a year when I was 4 and my friend was 6. They are very suppressed memories. I have never told anyone except for my boyfriend. At the time I knew that what she was doing was wrong. I didn't understand why she was doing it. She was my friend. So i thought, why would my friend do something bad to me? At that age it is very confusing. I never told anyone and it has taken a toll on my life. Up until the age of 11 I had terrible OCD concerning the matter. I thought I was a freak. How could I let her do that to me? As a child it screwed with my mind. I became very promiscuous. If you don't put this behavior to an end, it could end very badly.
It sounds as though you five year old was abused by his father, and you have stated this is the case. Now, your five year old is acting out what he was taught by his abuser. Since he's so young, he can't be stated at fault, but he does need some professional counseling and help to get over his own abuse, and to be taught that it was wrong and is not to be repeated, on ANYONE.
Your three year old may need help too.
I'm sorry that I can't offer you any advice on what to do about your three year old's father, but hopefully with counseling, your boys will come out of this all right.
I wish you best, hun, and I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.
1. If it is true get consoling for both of your sons. The evaluator is a QUACK for saying your son doesn't need to be evaluated!! Maybe this will not happen again if he is evaluated.
2. If it is not true you should try your hardest to get full custody of your 3 year old and try to get court order supervision for your 3 year old's father and grandmother so they can't be left alone with him no matter if other family members are around!!!
This behavior is unsuitable, but they are too young for it to be sexual. I wonder if they have seen adult sexual behavior and are merely copying. I not that you have never seen them behaving in this manner. Do you think the reports are accurate?
This acting out behavior is beyond "normal" experimental for this age. In my opinion, I believe you should seek an evaluation from a specialist for the 5 year old. If the 5 year old's evaluation comes back with positive results, I would seek therapy and discover the source. The 5 year old may be acting out upon the 3 year old but not understanding why he is behaving the way he is.
I personally have worked in a public school as a intern and one 5 year old boy started acting out sexually in class so I took him under my wing to help him. This little boy started freely openly up about his sexual activities. He openly named extended family members, gave a form of a code name to reference them which at the time did not make sense to me. He drew me pictures in color all in such a short period of time and named the people and what they were doing. Of course, I did report to Child Protective Services in writing and to the Principle of this school. Who knew there was a long history in this family and CPS could never figure out the source of the sexual abuse. This 5 year old solved the case! He knew it was wrong and he expressed it behaviorally.
As a psychologist i know for a fact that this is normal. Yes a child does have or can have sexual tendencies towards a sibling or two. a five year old is capable of doing anything as sexual as a teenager or an adult. this is a serious cause for concern and can ultimately lead to your child becoming an abuser. Especially if he has been abused. If you need help with anything please copy and paste this link below:
I hope you find all of the answers you need. Please get them help
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